Time goes by. It waits for no man. The long-awaited holidays are coming to an end soon.
I think I'm busier during the holidays compared to term time.
So far, I've spent most of my time being part of social events; DVD nights, cooking for friends and having good conversations. I just came back from a girls-night at Leesha's. A good meal and absolutely delicious banana-chocolate muffins. Ah heaven. Sadly there are still many people that I want to meet up with but haven't done so. Seeing that today is already Wednesday, time is running out. School starts on Monday. I've always said that I want to go to Kia Maia more often (I haven't seen the younger Mel in ages!), visit Grace and Ting Ting's new flat, play more piano, buy a guitar, yada yada.. and I told myself that the holidays would be the time when I do all these things, but time is passing me by.
But it has been good. The holidays have been fantastic so far.
Preet asked an interesting question today. "If you had a chance to talk to someone who already died, who would you call?" Apparently this question is frequently asked in Miss Universe pageants, and the common answer is "Mother Theresa". And it is also a common question asked around in Thailand as an icebreaker. I'm not much for beauty pageants, although I do watch it once in a while. So I was intrigued when she asked that question.
I would want to talk to Paul.
And I'll ask him to share with me, face to face, like the way friends talk, all of his experiences with Christ. His journey, his faith, his race until the end. He never gave up. And he loved the Lord with a burning, yearning fire. I wonder how does it feel to be so absolutely secure in the love of Christ. I hope I can be so one day.
.....
Even if I had the chance to turn back time and change what happened, the conclusion will probably be the same. I have a feeling that it was inevitable. I had to learn it the hard way because I was so blind to the point I couldn't hear nor see reason. I believe what I wanted to believe, even if its not reality. And I took my heart out of His hands and place it into the seemingly tangible and yet insecure realm of men. It took a broken heart and broken dreams for me to come crawling back to the feet of the Saviour, begging Him to mend what I've shattered, to heal the wounds that are self-inflicted. I'm now at a point in life where I'm learning that the things I yearn for and dream of are secondary to the purpose and the plans that He has for me. I'm still learning because its hard to give up control, even if its for the best. Sometimes I forget that He's a big God and I am but ash, dust, one grain of sand. He is beyond my comprehension. He knows what He is doing.
I often look back at my past. They are like flashbacks, snapshots. Memories. Faces. People. A favourite song. Words exchanged. Promises not kept.
Things could have been different.
But it isn't.
But it can be. Starting now.
.....
What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all work together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment where you can choose to make everything new. Right now.
....
I'm going to say goodbye now. I should have said it a long time ago. You're just too far away...
So goodbye. I pray that your life will be good, and that God will bless you abundantly.
Who knows.. If I wave goodbye long enough, I might wave hello again.
....
