today is my mother's birthday
~I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.~ Abraham Lincoln, former President of USA.She taught me:- to have confidence in myself, to see myself as beautiful and captivating, because that is how God made me.- to realize that physical beauty is like chaff, here today and gone tomorrow. It is my personality, my heart and my soul that should embody beauty. And such beauty is more captivating and enduring- to stand strong in God, to always pray, to always praise and glorify His name, to always cling to Him and never ever let myself experience what it is like to be without God.- to not worry. She has my back, because she prays for me everyday.- to be patient when the answers don't seem to eventuate. God's timing is absolutely perfect.- that love is real. Have you ever had glimpses of what you perceive as true love, and wish that you can have a taste of it as well? Ever felt like there's something more out there? Let me tell you. Love. It is real. I see it in my mom. I don't see glimpses of it. I see it in whole. She loves me not because of who I am, or because of what I can do. She loves me without reason, only because I'm her daughter. If an earthly woman can know how to love like that, what more God?- to reassure myself in God. Her favourite phrase is: When you ask for bread, God won't give you a snake.- that everything is going to be okay. No matter what.- to always look at the positive side of things. Negativity gets people down.She is not just my mother. She is my mentor, my prayer partner, my pastor, my confidant, and my best friend. To me, she is the most beautiful, most courageous, most patient and most loving woman alive. She is everything I want to be as a woman. I think of her all the time. And I love her, because she first loved me.Today is her birthday.Happy birthday mom. I can't wait to see you again.
where are you?
Where are God's men and women in this day of God's power?Where are the young men and women of this generation who will hold their lives cheap and be faithful even unto death?Where are those who will lose their lives for Christ's sake - flinging them away for love of Him?Where are those who will live dangerously, and be reckless in His service?Where are his lovers, those who will love Him and the souls of people more than their own reputations or comfort or very life?Where are those who say "no" to self, who take up Christ's Cross to bear it after Him; who are willing to be nailed to it in college or office, home or mission field; who are willing, if need be, to bleed, suffer and die on it?Where are the men and women of vision today?Where are the men of enduring vision?Where are the women who have seen the King in His beauty, by whom from henceforth all else is counted but refuse that they may win Christ?Where are the adventurers, the explorers, the buccaneers for God who count one human soul of far greater value than the rise and fall of an Empire?Where are the men, where are the women who glory in God - sent loneliness, difficulties, persecutions, misuderstandings, discipline, sacrifice, death?Where are the men and women who are willing to pay the price of vision?Where are the peple of prayer?Where are the men and women who, like the Psalmist of old, count God's word of more importance to them than their daily food?Where are those who, like Moses of old, commune with God face to face as a person speaks with their friend and unmistakably bear with them the fragrance of the meeting through the day?Where are God's men and women in this day of God's power?~Howard Guinness~Here am ISend Me!
when looking through my scribbles...
When looking through my notebook that is used for scribbling down verses, poems, quotes and what-not that I find interesting, memorable, touching or heart-rendering, I usually have my Bible beside me. In my Bible are pieces of junk paper that are full of scribbles as well. It is not my habit to take down notes in church, although I guess it is a habit that I should start cultivating. However, I love to write down words or quotes used by the preacher that I find significant.When looking through my scribbles I found this written in my handwriting:Dated: 5/3/2006I want to see myself reflected in the face of somebody else.I wrote it down because I know if I can find the reflection of myself embodied in someone else, be it my physical features, my thoughts or my soul, I am not alone. I wrote it down because like everyone else, I want to feel like I belong somewhere and to someone. I wrote it down because the sentence reflected me.But what is a good reflection?"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror..." 1 Corinthians 13:12What do I see when I look at myself in the mirror? What do other people see when they look at me? What are the reflections that I have projected? What does God see when He looks at me? I was created in His image, but do I reflect Him?Blinded are we by misconceptions and the whispers of others, that even the reflection in mirrors are blurred because of our perceptions. The mirror lies, because of the beholder of the reflection. The glass will only reflect what we do not want to see, but not what is truly innate. It expounds ugliness, but hides true beauty. When I was a teenager I looked at the mirror and saw only the size of my waist, the scars on my face and the far-too-dark tan of my skin. I still do. When I look at the mirror I saw what made me special, but because of my misconceptions and my deceitful eyes, I saw what I have as inadequate and insignificant compared to the achievements and beauty of others. When I look at myself in the mirror I saw what I yearn to become, but my fradulent eyes turned my head to look at the reflections of my shortcomings and meager talents, and I was downcast, because it felt like no matter what I do or what I offer, it will never be enough. I was blinded by the traumas of my past, reflected by the scars that still graze my heart. I was blinded by the standards of the world, reflected by my low self-esteem and the constant thought that I may have done things that are not right or unacceptable. I was blinded by the words of others and their thoughts, reflected by my efforts to try and please the people that I love and respect, in hopes that they will look at me and deem me worthy of their love and attention. I was blinded by my inadequacies, reflected by my rigorous struggle to be the best that I can be in everything that I do, and by doing so, setting standards for myself where the sky is the limit.I was blind. And maybe I still am. But at least now, I know I am blind. So I can ask for sight.And my eyes shall be opened by Him, whose undying love for me is reflected by 3 nails, a cross, the forgiveness of sin and the salvation of my soul."...then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully. Even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
the song currently stuck in my head
I'll standWith arms high and heart abandonedIn awe of the One who gave it allI'll standMy soul, Lord, to you surrendedAll I have is yoursIt has been a really tiring and busy 1st week of university. Having inadequate and expensive technology doesn't help. The Internet connection that I'm using here is really expensive because it is the same network used in uni (15 cents per MB) and it's full of bugs and printing is 10 cents per page. I can't use MSN messenger for the past few days, and when trying to fix the problem (apparently the problem is the proxy server, why am I not surprised), I crashed my computer so bad that I can't access any website out of VUW now. Great. So I'm updating this blog on a uni computer. I didn't call my family for a whole week and was really sorry to get a phone call from my dad saying "WHY DIDN'T CALL YOUR MOM FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK?" (ok maybe not in that harsh a tone.) Aikz. Sorry if it feels like I'm ignoring any of you (Maaf banyak banyak lah Sakin. Bukan sengaja =p). I just haven't been able to sign in MSN, meaning that my social life with people out of Wellington has just been put on hold. Sigh..There's only 5 more weeks left to the end of the 2nd trisemester. Oh the pain that I still have to go through. The final exam timetables will be out soon.On a happier note, I led worship for the very first time in my life last lifegroup. YAAY! With the help of the leaders, the members, and of course, little boy Melvyn, who is probably the reason why I look older than I should (He's gonna kill me if he reads this) on the guitar, Shrek (Shrek is Fiona's guitar and I played it during worship. Shrek has been upgraded to the same level as human beings) and with the awesome guidance from God, I pulled it off. Phew. The session wasn't long, but it did represent something significant to me, because gospel music is something that I love. I may not be really good at it compared to other musically talented people out there, but I'm glad that God was willing to use a very incompetent and little me to do His works. I recognised my limited power and talent, and realised that around me there are so many others who can do what I'm doing so much better than I can. Sometimes it gets me down, because it felt like God has chosen the wrong person. But then, He's God. God is never wrong. So I don't really know what He sees in me. I don't think I ever will. But all the same, I'm glad I did it. And I wanna do it again. Haha..School starts again tomorrow. I have a massive pimple on my face just waiting to turn into Mt Ruapehu. I hope I can get back on MSN and redeem my social circle!Till then...
stevie said something awesome during leadership meeting
You have to become the change that you want to see in the world.I'm pretty sure he quoted it from somewhere. But it's still awesome =)
Bertemu dan perpisahan adat manusia biasaHilang di mata tapi di hati tak lupaBerdoalah agar kita aman dan sentosaSemoga kita akan berjumpaLain hari lain masa
