shelter from the storm
'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and bloodWhen blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mudI came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured,I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word.In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involvedEverything up to that point have been left unresolvedTry imagining a place where it's always safe and warm"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hailPoisoned in the bushes and blown out on the trailHunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."Suddenly I turned around and she was standing thereWith silver bracelets on her wrist and flowers in her hairShe walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."Now there's a wall between us, something there's been lostI took too much for granted, got my signals crossedJust to think that it began on a long forgotten morn"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm."Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mountBut nothing really matters much, its doom alone that countsAnd the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm"I've heard newborn babies wailing like a mourning doveAnd old men with broken teeth stranded without loveDo I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm"In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothesI bargained for salvation and they gave me a lethal doseI offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm"Well, I'm living in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the lineBeauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mineIf I could only turn back to when God and her were born"Come in", she said"I'll give you shelter from the storm"~Bob Dylan~The essence of feminity - "Come in and I'll give you shelter from the storm"
i don't want to but i have to
*Sidenote: I'll try to update this site more often but more often than not other things take precedent. Thanks for reading my thoughts. =)*I watched the movie X-Men at Readings just now after ICF meeting. It was really a spontaneous choice. My original plan was to study after the meeting and skip supper.That didn't work out very well. But it was worth it.Most people would think that movies like that don't really have anything profound or important to the audience. Most people take X-Men as good entertainment with lots of hot, sexy babes and guys that are great as eye candies. But that's it.However, the movie did potray one very important point about life: There are many instances and circumstances where you don't want to do something, but you don't have a choice. And even if you do have a choice, the choice that you don't want to make will be the lesser of two evils.For example, I've been staying up late at night, dunking down cups and cups of coffee, just to finish my very last assignment for the semester. The assignment was designing website using basic HTML. The assignment itself was not rocket science, but it was extremely tedious and time consuming. Well, for me it might as well be rocket science because designing is totally out of my abilities. When it comes to art, on a scale of 1 to 10, my score would be a negative 1. I was procastinating on doing the assignment, but finally forced myself to do it when I heard that Pei has already completed it. Peer pressure is very, very real and very, very motivating. Furthermore, the assignment is worth 15% out of the total marks for the course. I had to do it. But I really didn't want to.And it's the same when it comes to studying. Now that the final exam period is drawing near, everybody is switching to study mode. And for most of us, it is not because we want to study. I would rather go out for movies, hang out at cafes, eat, sleep, read a novel, walk down Oriental Parade, have a picnic by the beach, go shopping, or even work to earn some money etc. than studying. However, when exams are near, I don't really have much of a choice. Well, technically I do have a choice: to study or not to study, but I have a conscience that generates guilt on a constant and frequent basis. In addition, it's my responsibility. I have an obligation to study, and this obligation is not only to myself, but it extends to my family, my sponsor and to God.And at times, in our relationships with other people, we also make tough choices that we don't want to. What do you do when you know that a good friend is going down the wrong track? Do you tell him/her the truth or do you want to maintain the friendship by going with the flow? What do you do when you want to be with people that you love, but you are not with them, not because you can't, but because you chose not to, and you know that deep within your heart, that is the right choice? When people close to your heart, like family members, close friends, etc., force you to do things or make choices that are totally against your principles and beliefs, what do you do?Lynette from Desperate Housewives said it best: Life is full of obligations. People do things that they don't want to.And yet I'm glad to know that I've been in countless situations where I do get to do the things that I want to do, and I'm happy about it. If life is all about doing the things that 'you have to do', having a conscious mind is just a pain in the neck.And there are situations where you want to do something, but nobody will let you do it. Apparently, nobody really wants me as a waitress, although I'm quite keen to gain some experience in that field. However, God's plans always beat mine hands down. I've applied for a part-time reliever job. I'll be affiliated to Education Personnel, a teachers recruitment center, and they'll be the ones who will send me to childcare centers to work. The hours are flexible and I will rover from center to center. I went for the job briefing today. The office was all the way in Kilbernie. The experience of getting to the office itself was quite daunting. I've never been out of Wellington Central, other than Waikanae for ICF's drag netting, Palmerston North for Easter Camp, and Churton Park for girls' night at Jess's place. There I was, all alone, sitting in the bus, quiet like a mouse and yet being so freaked out about getting lost. But I saw quite a lot of cool places on my journey to Kilbernie. I passed by Massey University, the famous Pack n Save (now I know where to get cheap groceries), lots and lots of cafes and restaurants (yum~~), funky art stores etc. I prayed to God for journey mercy, and He heard my cry. I know that I really don't have anything to worry about, but I don't like going to unfamiliar territory on my own. I get paranoid. But I'm safe and sound. The job briefing was great. I still have to wait for the police check to get through, which will take about 3 weeks. Till then, I still cannot start work. But that works out just fine because exams will end in about 3 to 4 weeks time. God's timing is the best yet. Guess I still need to learn to trust Him more. =)Tomorrow's going to be a long day. I need to go for small group meeting, watch Da Vinci Code, and then dinner with Ting Ting. There goes my whole Saturday. It's fun-filled, but I need to slot in some studying time to make my conscience shut up. I hate to miss hip-hop dance class, but it just had to be done. I don't want to, but I have to.
it's time to update this site
I don't know how many people actually come to this site often enough to realize that this space have been dead for quite a while. Apologies to you all. As always, time has been against me.So much has happened.Where do I start?If I remember correctly, the last time I updated this blog was before the Easter holidays. That was ages ago. Well, during Easter, I attended the Easter Camp organized by ICF. It was held at Fieldings, Palmerston North. The camp overall was a great experience. I stayed in a marae (a maori home), made friends with people that I've never kept in touch with, (except for Kenny, and that is because he added me in MSN messenger) got closer to the friends that I've already made (you're the best elaine!!) got dumped in the middle of nowhere together with my teamates (we were split into teams during the camp), ate 2 spoonfuls of tabasco sauce, slept looking like an eskimo due to my mounting fear of the cold, took a walk in the middle of the night where everything was pitched dark except for the stars, ate food that was cooked in the ground (don't ask me how, it's a maori thing. The weird thing is the food actually tasted pretty good), played volleyball (it's been so so long since I've played), played with extra big inflated swords (extremely good for releasing anger), went for easter reflection where those who attended sat in a circle, with candles in the middle and just simply reflecting upon the sacrifice of Jesus.... I'm pretty sure I've done some crazy stuff that I no longer remember, or said some stupid things that I can't recall. But I enjoyed Easter :)The other big event would be ASIAN WEDDING BANQUET!!!Recently, ICF organized a fund-raising banquet, where the profits generated will be used to help subsidise the fees for TSCF conference in Auckland. TSCF, which stands for Tertiary Student Christian Fellowship, is celebrating it's 70th anniversary this year. The cost is around $200. *faint* I was part of the organizing committee. I had no idea how I ended up there.I remember the day I offered my help to Michelle, the coordinator of this banquet. I just wanted to help out with make-up. I like painting people. And I'm absolutely crazy about make-up. (Too bad, make-up here is far too expensive. Have been going make-up-less for ages now, except for lipstick and lipgloss) Suddenly, WHAM!! I'm in committee. And there I was, going to the High Comission to borrow costumes, meeting up with the Malaysian Student Organization president to ask for a 'kompang' team, going for commitee meetings..bla bla bla... gosh the stress and the time and the effort. But it was all worth it. That night was awesome!!!The theme for the dinner was 'weddings', so for performances, of which Leesa, Jasmine and I are in charge, we decided to have mock Chinese, Malay and Indian weddings. We didn't really have a Chinese wedding. It was a Chinese tea ceremony. Bowing to heaven and earth would have made the 'mock' wedding, in a way, legally binding. For the Malay wedding, a mock bersanding ceremony was held. I didn't know that rice in the 'merenjis' ceremony represents fertility. The Indian wedding was the grand finale, and in my opinion, the best performance yet. There was dancing, music, and 'walking around the sacred fire'. Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but in all of the weddings, we didnt perform the parts that would have made the marriages binding. We didnt have 'bowing to heaven and earth', we didn't have 'akad nikah', and we wanted to have an Indian priest (an actor, not the real priest of course) but that was cancelled last minute.I was the Malay bride.I had rice all over me that night.I got nicknamed Fran Foo. (the groom's surname is Foo). Not good. Not good at all. But it was all in good fun :DIf mock weddings took so much effort and planning, I wonder how REAL weddings will be like?And now, the fun is all over. Pressures are mounting. Stress is building up, like a rushing river pressing against an old dam that will break anytime soon.Final exams are near.My first paper, which is FCOM 110 will be on the 3rd June. You see, lectures for that subject ends 1st June. And two days later, voila!! EXAM. Econs will be on the 9th, Statistics on the 13th and Info systems on the 20th. Sigh. That's one whole month of stress.However, in between those stressful period there are still fun things I wanna do. My roomate, Fiona, has a small role in a play and I wanna go and watch!! So I'm going on the 10th, after the Econs paper. Ching Wen's cousin, who is a great pianist is also coming to Wellington to perform. I'm going to his concert. That's on the 11th of June. My next paper is on the 13th, but it's Stats. There's no way you can do last minute work when it comes to maths. Might as well take some time of to relax.On the other hand, I may just chicken out last minute and decide to be the freak that I am and continue studying.Oh, and did I mentioned that today is the last day of my 40 day fasting?? I've been fasting one meal a day for forty days. Fasting used to be easy for me back home. But fasting here is equivalent to mental and physical torture. This is really a great tool for spiritual discipline. I forgotten how is it like to have 3 meals a day. I'm hungry every single minute of the day. I'm craving for food all the time. Even now, I'm imagining myself eating sweet and sour pork with yam, japanese tofu, lo mai kai, pork chops, meat pies, chocolate cakes, chocolate slices, brownies... ok I better stop thinking about food. It drives me crazy. My whole routine has been changed to accomodate fasting. When lunch time comes, I'll hide myself in the library to avoid food and also to avoid watching people eating food, although the latter is quite impossible. Sometimes I would follow my friends along to the cafe and have hot chocolate. Trust me, as much as I love hot chocolate and mochachino and long black and all the other nice drinks, they're never substitutes for good, solid food. There are times when I'm unlucky enough to have people like CK around, who will try to tempt me by giving me the 'finger-licking-good' look when eating potato wedges, which I'm really craving for right now. On the other hand, there are people like Jia Yin who will confiscate my chocolate muffin and will only release it at 4pm. (4pm is tea time, not lunch time anymore :D) Fasting ends today. YES!!!! I'm never going to do this again.I'm also trying to find a job. I've applied for a wait staff job at the Black Harp. It's an Irish restaurant and bar. Ah..the Irish. Wonderful atmosphere, great music, classy restaurant etc. I've never worked in my entire life. I've no experience at all in waitressing. But I'm hoping that I'll get this job. I'm also planning to apply for a few other jobs. So everybody gather around and pray that Fran can work at the Black Harp. Yeah!!
