<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d17139153\x26blogName\x3dDeLiCiOuS+aMbIGuItY\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://dambiguity.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://dambiguity.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-3770986570826964264', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
DELICIOUS AMBIGUITY ♥
Monday, December 26, 2005
christmas

This post is a wee bit late but since Christmas is still in the air, it's not too late yet.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy
will one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy
has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
would soon deliver you

Mary, did you know that your baby boy
will give sight to the blind men?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
will calm the storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy
has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby
you kiss the face of God?
Oh Mary, did you know?

The blind will see,
the deaf will hear,
the dead will live again
The lame will leap,
the dumb will speak,
the praises of the Lamb.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy
is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy
was Heaven's perfect Lamb?
And the sleeping child you're holding
is the great I Am.

A portion of one of the comments on The Passion of Christ:

"....In fact, the strongest moments of the film are not even through Jesus's perspective, but those seen through the eyes of Mary, Jesus's mother, intensely played by Maia Morgenstern. The actress portrays her character as a mother who simply wants help her son (a child she once protected from all harm) and not the messiah the crowd believes him to be. Three brief flashbacks are provided to see Jesus and Mary's tender relationship from infant to man, and these are the three best scenes in the film, providing an emotional touchstone to work from, and involving no blood to rile up the senses...."

All of us know that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, the Messiah, God's greatest sacrifice for men, the incarnation of the Almighty, the saviour of the world and the foundation of the Christian faith. We have heard the story of His birth countless times. We've heard about how Mary, though still a virgin, conceived Him in her womb, and together with Joseph, Mary's husband, raised him from infant to manhood. We've heard about how the shephards, having received a vision from heaven on the day of His birth, went to visit Jesus and praise Him. We've heard about the wise men from the east afar who followed the great, bright star, bringing frankincense, gold and myrrh to see the king whose birth was foretold by the great prophets of old. We've heard about how Mary was forced to give birth in the stable because the inn was full, about how she laid her first born son in a manger because there was no bed or cribe. Pastors and priests preached about Jesus being heaven's perfect gift to men. Due to God's love for mankind, He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to become a man to reconcile men to God. When Jesus was crucified He bore the sins of all mankind so that men may be made righteouness through the grace of God. When Jesus rose again from the dead it signifies His power over death, and whoever believes in Him, though he/she will die the mortal death, the believer will have eternal life in heaven. All these we have heard before.

This Christmas, I pondered upon the birth of Christ not only from the perspective of God (where God sacrificed His only Son), but also from the perspective of Mary.

Put yourself in Mary's shoes. Every good mother wants her children to live well. Mothers will provide and protect her children at any cost because she gave birth to them, and she loves them. Mothers want to see their children become great young men and women, and she wants them to live well, and outlive herself. Every mother wants her children to live. But Mary knew very well that her son was born to die. That is just about the greatest blow a mother could get. When Jesus was circumcised, the old priest looked into her eyes and said:" a knife will pierce your heart." I've often wondered how did Mary stomach it all. From the moment of her son's birth until the moment her son breathed His last breath on the cross, she was there and she saw her own flesh and blood fulfilling His purpose by dying for the sins of men. She's a mother, and she's helpless in helping her own child.

Pastor Ray Johnson once told the congregation of a church about his incident in an airport in America. The flight was continuously delayed and people are becoming increasingly grumpy and anxious. He sat beside a woman quietly reading his newspaper. The woman, frustrated and angry over the delay began complaning, fussing and showing her anger, much to the annoyance of the pastor, whose calling has taught him to be patient in all circumstances, including flight delays. The pastor keep on trying to calm her down, offering kind words and trying hard to hide his annoyance. The topic went on to his profession. The woman asked him what does he do for a living. And he answered, "I'm a preacher. I tell people about the word of God." The woman's anger grew and she was boiling mad, like a volcano on the verge of eruption. She angrily denied the existence of God and curse the poor pastor for spreading lies. The pastor subtly tried to coax her to tell the reason for such hatred. She told him about her son. This woman lived in a city famous for drug addicts and drug trafficking. One day, when her son was casually walking back home, there was a crossfire between the police and the drug criminals. Her son was caught between the crossfire and died. He was innocent, and in the police statistics, he's probably just another 'unwanted casualty'. The pastor answered her by saying," I know of a mother whose son was crucified to death, although her son was innocent. Her name is Mary, and her son is Jesus." The woman was stunned, and with grief in her voice said, "I never saw it that way." As a mother who lost her son, she felt the pain the Mary felt, and thus became a believer of Christ.

The price for the redemption of men is high although it is free. Salvation was given to men through God's love and sacrifice, and also through the heart wrenching grief of a mother, who gave birth to a son she couldn't protect.

Merry Christmas everybody...
D I V A at 1:15 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
i'm back from the land below the wind

I'M BACK! And I don't think I can go back to Sabah for at least 5 years. I'm really glad I went back as I had lots of wonderful memories and experiences. I don't remember everything, but what I remember I'll share now.

~ My grandmother has a really powerful grip over my mom. We travelled through and fro Kuala Penyu and Kota Kinabalu because of some of my grandmother's wishes (mainly visiting family), and my mother didn't want to disappoint her so she just did what my grandmother wanted. I didn't want to travel through and fro. When I was in Kota Kinabalu I wanted to just stay there in my uncle's house until it's time to go back to K.L. I can feel that my mother was torn between my grandmother and I, but she just told me to be patient and understanding. I had planned many things with my cousins but to fit in my grandmother's schedule I never got to do what I've planned. But I guess it can't be helped. My grandmother was the main reason for the trip to Sabah anyway and I guess her wishes and decisions are ultimate.

~ I'm an aunt. I have cousins who are much older than me and they already have children. Some of the children are already teenagers. Some of them are only babies. I miss holding the little babies in my arms and playing with them. The next time I see them, they won't be babies anymore.

~ One of my cousins (my eldest aunt's 2nd son) got engaged. His fiancee is my age. 19 years old. I'm 6 months younger. His fiancee is a Sino-Kadazan from Membakut and her family wants RM10,000 for dowry. My cousin is only a contract worker. We calculated that if he doesn't spend even a cent of his salary for two and a half years, he'll be able to marry her. Phew..expensive.

~ The mosquitoes there are fantastic. They can actually fly up my shirt and bite my back. I have four red dots on my back and they're about to become scars due to excess scratching. My legs are now full of scars from mosquitoes' bites.

~ My grandmother is doing fine. (No sick person can travel 130km twice in a week). She needs dentures though. She has lost pretty much every single teeth except for a few molars. She still smokes. My cousin advice her to stop but her response was "I'm gonna die sooner or later. Smoking doesn't make a difference to that fact". Sigh...

~Now I understand why gospel songs for children are filled with actions. My 7-year-old cousin Becky and my 9-year-old cousin Daphne actually like doing those stand up, sit down, raise your hand, shake your butt, turn around etc actions while singing songs for Jesus. They've never done that before until I sang some of the children's songs and demonstrated the actions for them. The Catholic Church don't really have Sunday School for kids.

~ Buffaloes cost RM1000 each.

~ My guitar skills improved. Before the trip, I never managed to play one full song on the guitar. I only know a few chords and I suck at progression. Thanks to my cousin Leslie I can play pretty ok now. I'm still no expert (I can't even play F major yet), but I'm getting better. I can play 'Kau Ilhamku' by Manbai. I miss Leslie.

~ Leslie's brother, Harold can draw beautiful Japanese animation.

~ My uncle wants to release a solo single/album but he has no capital. He has great talent but what's the use if you don't have money to kick your plans off the ground?

~ University Malaysia Sabah is HUGE! The buildings are quite beautiful (most of them have a dome on the roof, like mosques). There's also a waterfall and a huge '1994' is above it. 1994 is the year the uni was founded. I have two cousins studying there and both of them are doing environmental science.

~ My mother is Kadazan-Dusun and the language of the Dusuns is call Tatana. I can't speak the language but I can understand it a little. Here are some words in Tatana that I know.
mulik - go home
ngodop - sleep
bersudu - eat
pig - bogok
chase - bubut (for example: anjing itu adalah untuk membubut babi)
memanau - walk
rosoh - tasty
saigi - who
monsoi - good (can refer to people, things, events...)
suab - tomorrow
sikool - school
mongoi - go
okou - you
Kinoringan - God the father

I had a wonderful week there. And despite of the serious migrane and mosquitoes' bites, I had no regrets.
D I V A at 12:50 AM
2 drop(s) of love

Thursday, December 08, 2005
sabah - 9th december - 19th december 2005

It's confirmed. I'll be going back to Sabah tomorrow evening with my mother. The tickets cost my dad a bomb. RM1240. Whew...

The reason the tickets are so expensive (even though it's Air Asia) is my father only booked the tickets today. He couldn't do the bookings earlier because he wasn't sure when I'm able to finalise the process of my visa application. My medical report was completed yesterday. So we went to K.L. today to submit the forms. Thus, I'm able to go back Sabah tomorrow.

So by the time you're reading this I'll be in East Malaysia. The flight leaves tomorrow at 3:15pm for Kota Kinabalu, and I'll be returning to the Peninsular on the 19th at 8:00pm. It's been a while since I saw my hometown (or rather my mother's hometown, my birthplace), and there's a lot of people I need to visit/get acquainted/get to know. (I have a really big extended family there. There are bound to be relatives that I don't know even though I'm related to them.)

I do hope that more people here from the West will go and visit Sabah or Sarawak, and you'll see that those states are really not far behind. Kadazan people don't live on trees anymore and the Ibans don't hunt for a living. They hunt for sport. You'll see shopping complexes, skyscrapers, and races that you won't be able to differentiate. (Kadazans are mistaken for Chinese, Muruts are mistaken for Malay, Bajaus are mistake for Nyonya-Baba...) Of course, there are countrysides and cowboy towns and forests and jungles and mountains and rivers and big sandy beaches.... It's not fair to potray Sabah and Sarawak as places without civilization where people are still living like barbarians. Since all of us are Malaysians, why not take an effort to know bout other states and races?

Folks here in the Peninsular always mistaken my mother for a Chinese because most laymen don't expect to see Kadazans here. For example...

Coffeeshop boss: (calculating cost of food on the table) Wu kuai qian!! (five ringgit)
Mom: Saya bukan Cina la.. saya tak faham.. berapa ar?
Coffeeshop boss: HAR? Lu bukan Cina ar? Lu Melayu? Ini lu tak boleh makan o.. tak halal la..
Mom: Saya bukan Melayu juga...
Coffeeshop boss: Lu orang apa??
Mom: Orang Sabah..
Coffeeshop boss: SABAH???
Mom: Ya..Sabah..
Coffeeshop boss: (Scratches head...)

You'd expect my mother to at least understand a little bit of the Chinese language, considering that she's married to a Chinaman for 20 years now and has been teaching in a Chinese-based school for the past 5 years. The only chinese words she know are 'chi fan' (eat), 'shui jiao' (sleep) and all the vulgar vocabs (so that she can fire back at the students if they attempt to use such language on her.)

The main reason we're going back is because my grandma is sick. So do pray for her and hope that she'll get better and have many many many more healthy years.
D I V A at 9:46 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Friday, December 02, 2005
my brother.. he's all grown up

High above the mountains

I see them soar,
high above the mountains,
and together with the clouds,
where their wings widely spread,
and their eyes searching the plains.
And as the wind blows,
I hear them cry,
with majesty and glory,
the skies send its reply,
and the heavens heed their call,
for the mountains and clouds are theirs.

I see them dance,
deep below the seas,
and sometimes below the Sun,
where they shall arise and blow,
and greet the waves of power.
And as the waters rage,
I hear them speak,
with power and authority,
the oceans cease its storm,
and the waves quiet down to hear,
for the seas and oceans are theirs.

But I do not see us,
high at the mountains, nor
at the depths of the seas.
But, as an eagle is made for the skies,
and a whale is made for the waters,
surely a man is made for a purpose.
Never before the eagles and the whales
forget the place they ought to be,
for an eagle shall not soar on land,
nor a whale shall dance on sand.

~Calvin Lim~

But, as an eagle is made for the skies, and a whale is made for the waters, surely a man is made for a purpose.

That sentence touched me in such a profound and uplifting way.

It helps me understand that althought there are so many people in this world, each and every one of us has a distinct and special purpose, and no one will be able to achieve that purpose except for ourselves. That makes us special, unique and different.

The poem was written by my brother. He's 17 this year and he has one more SPM paper to go, which is Principles of Accounting.

He really is a man now....
D I V A at 8:57 PM
1 drop(s) of love

Thursday, December 01, 2005
one tree hill

I spent the last few days watching the first season of the much celebrated teenage drama series 'One Tree Hill'. I'm not only hooked, but I've learn quite a lot of things along the way. It got me thinking about a lot of things in life. Here are a few of the thoughts I had when I was watching the series.

~ God gave men two very precious commodities: brain and penis. The brain functions as a tool for making intelligent, witty and humourous conversations to attract beautiful and high-powered ladies. Men use their brains in class, in work, on the field or court playing sports and playing golf. The penis functions as a tool for fathering children, to boost his ego and for making love to the beautiful and high-powered lady he calls his wife (noticed that I didn't use 'ladies'. I still prefer the utopian world where one man only has one woman). However, in such a day and age, it is presume normal that men have one or more lovers in his past before he gets hitched. I guess it really boils down to the choices that he makes. However, it is unfortunate that most guys can't use both these precious commodities at the same time. And it is even sadder that when it comes to handling women, most men like to think with their penis, not their brains, or even with their heart.

~ No matter how tempting it is, please do not make love with your sister-in-law, especially if your brother just divorced her.

~ There comes a point in life where you have a tough decision you need to make, and that decision determines your future. It is your turning point. And most of the time, you are forced to choose to do between what is easy and what is right. For example: you just finished your senior year in high school. You have a great girlfriend and you love her very much. You play great basketball and you received a basketball scholarship to college. Then suddenly, your girlfriend tells you that she's pregnant. The easy way out will be as such: dump her or force her to get an abortion. The right thing to do: marry the girl and raise the child. Hey, so what if you're only 18? That baby in her womb is your kid, and you have to take responsibility. Well, your girlfriend won't get an abortion, and you're thinking to yourself: I have a great life ahead of me. I can't let this child ruin my life. So you dump her and went to college. But here's the sad thing: You went to college, you met a hot chick in orientation, and in a month you got her pregnant, too. How hilarious life can be, right?

~ In life there are many 'could have beens'. I could have been an all-star basketball player. I could have been a college student. I could have married her. I could have been with him if I weren't so unsure of myself. I could have had a better life than this. I could have... But here's the wake up call: Life is not based on 'could have beens'. Yeah, you're right in saying that you could have something more. Yeah, you deserve more. However, life just don't give second chances that generously. You just have to learn to deal with the 'could have beens' and live with it. If you could have been a great basketball player, but you aren't, don't force your kid to do 10-mile jogs and weights and basketball practices as soon as he can hold a ball. Don't force others to live your dream and deprive them of their own dreams.

~ So you're a virgin and you told yourself that you'll wait until you really fall in love and get married before you have sex. Sex, to you, is this wonderful display of love and affection to that one special person, and it is a precious moment of bonding. I mean, who gets to see you naked and experience parts of your body that you never reveal to anybody else? Surely, you want it to be the man you love. So you're in love now, and you have no doubts in your mind that this man is the one. It's okay that he had a sexual relationship with his ex. It's wonderful that he's not pressuring you to do the same. He visited lots of porn site and probably had cyber sex, but when you got mad he went all out to seek your forgiveness. After all, what's in the internet is just a fantasy right? Then you found out that he still keeps the naked pictures of his ex girlfriend. You went completely ballistic and again he begged for your forgiveness and he deleted all those photos. You really want to make love to this man, but you're not sure whether you're willing to give up your principles. So you went to his house, and with just the two of you there you got married, probably with the stars as witness and the moon as the judge. After that you make love to him. It was just like the way you wanted it. It's beautiful. It's great. You're married to the man that you love and you've just been officially elevated to 'real womanhood'. So what if you haven't even finish high school, hmm?

~ Ever wished that you could start over? You see, you've made so many mistakes in life that it becomes your shadow. It backfires on you and on your relationships with all the people that you love. You've let so many people down, and although some of them have forgiven you, you feel like hell. No matter how many times you apologize, you know deep within your heart that the word 'sorry' won't change anything no matter how many times it is repeated. There can never be complete absolution. So you try your best to tie up your loose ends and you pack your stuff and you leave town. Just like that. So simple. When you go to a new place, nobody there knows you. Nobody knows your past and thus, they have nothing against you. They cannot judge you. You can start over and try once again to be a better person. You tell yourself that this is your chance and you don't want to screw things up. However, there are times when the situations and circumstances around us may change, but if we don't have an inner transformation, we are just going to be the same person as we were before and the same crazy things will happen and the same mistakes will be committed. You're just the same person as you were, but in a different place and a different time.

~ Girlfriends never break up. Usually we just bitch and bicker about each other, but we never break up no matter how serious the problems and fights are. Even if she lied, kept secrets, made out with your now-former boyfriend and broke your heart, you know she'll never have a clear conscience after doing all that crap because she's your friend. She'll feel absolutely horrible and will be begging for forgiveness until kingdom come. So it's really up to you. You can be this horrible, mean bitch towards her until you calm down and pick up the broken pieces of the friendship or you could just continue being a horrible, mean bitch until kingdom come. But then, who's going to go shopping with you? The guy you made out with behind the alley because you had too many shots of vodkas? Puh-lease... Of course, there are occasions where friendships never mend. I'm talking in general.

~ Have you ever seen a generational weakness at work? For example: grandfather has anger management issues, the father has anger management issues, and guess what, the son, too, has anger management issues. Well, it can be anger management issues, it can be alcoholism, it can be gambling, it can be womanizing, it can be 'pressuring your son to be what you could have been'... you name it. Now, it's tough to break this kind of cycle, because father will be like grandfather and son will be like father. Most of the time, you can't help it. You swear to yourself that you'll never gonna be like your father and your grandfather but as you go along life, you notice that you're exactly what you hate. And when you're at that point of realization, you have two choices: you can try to change, or you can be ignorant about it. However, it is best that the cycle is broken. That way, future generations won't have this kind of problem. For example: If you grew up in a family where your father hates your grandfather, and you notice that both of them are really exactly the same, and you're starting to look at your father's own inadequacies with growing feelings of resentment, you can either really try your best to love him so that the cycle can be broken, or you can continue nurturing that feeling of resentment until it turns to hate. And when you're over 40 with a high-paying job with a wonderful wife and great kids and you are not talking to your father, you'll realize that you've become the man that you hate. And that, my friend, is just about the biggest blow that life can hand to you, and it's handed on a silver platter.

~ Do not have pre-marital sex. No matter how much your friends, boyfriend, MTV and Hollywood are pressuring you, don't do it. At least, that's what I've learnt after watching the show. When engaging in pre-marital sex, you'll either lose friends (because you had sex with their fomer boyfriends or current boyfriends or even the 'old man' you met when you went clubbing), or disappoint your parents (because they walked down that same lane and they regretted it for the rest of their lives and tried their best to make sure that you don't end up like them) or get pregnant (which is just about the worst thing that can happen to a woman who's not married).

Watch the series, you won't regret it.
D I V A at 7:42 PM
1 drop(s) of love