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DELICIOUS AMBIGUITY ♥
Monday, January 21, 2008
its a real sickness

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone

This happened the last time as well. The first time I left NZ to come back home for the summer holidays, I missed NZ. But when I was back in NZ, I missed home even more. This year it got worse. The homesickness. The general notion is that first-years who just left their homes would experience homesickness, more so than others who are used to being independent. Let me that you. That's total bull, at least in my case anyway. I didn't really feel homesick when I first went away from home. I was thoroughly enjoying uni (stressful, but it was all right), and meeting new people, having new friends, living in a new country etc etc. It was all very exciting.

And then I went home. At home I talked about how great it was to be in another country. But when it was time to go back, I didn't want to. When I'm back in this other country, all I can think of is going back home again.

But time passes by and things get busy. There's lots of studying that needs to be done, and it isn't easy taking care of yourself. But sooner or later, when the ball starts rolling, it doesn't get so bad anymore. It's only during those down-and-out moments when I'll be asking: what the hell am I doing here? I wanna go back.

And then I went home. The same thing happened. I talked about how great and stressful and bla bla bla second year is. And three days before my flight back to NZ, all I could think about is: Hey, I don't wanna go now. And I felt that silent urge until I was on the plane, and when I was on the plane, I was tempted to go to the cockpit, and tell the pilot to turn the other way, because home is the other way.

See, its the little things that really makes the sickness hard to bear. Things like: knowing that when you're there, you're taken care of, because there are people who love you, and will protect you, and give you what you need; knowing that you don't have to pay the bills or worry about food; knowing that everything is gonna be okay.

Actually its not the countries. It doesn't matter whether I'm in NZ or Malaysia. If they are not there, then there's no point. Because home really means family, not country. We can be in Antarctica, but as long as we are all together, we're home.

I thought I had two hearts: one for Wellington and one for home. But, when I was on the plane, I realized that I only had one. And its for home. And home doesn't mean Malaysia. Home just means wherever my family are. That's home. And since my family is in Malaysia, Malaysia means home.

I would like to go home now please...

I looked outside the window. It's raining. Sigh. I bet the sun is shining on home.
D I V A at 2:03 PM
3 drop(s) of love

Sunday, January 06, 2008
something i've learnt

"Non multum praestant, sed cito; non subest uera uis nec penitus inmissis radicibus nititur, ut quae summo solo sparsa sund semina celerius se effundunt et imitatae spicas herbulae inanibus aristis ante messem flauescunt. Placent haec annis comparata; deinde stat profectus, admiratio decrescit" (Institutio Oratorio)

"They have no real power, and what they have is but of shallow growth; it is as when we cast seed on the surface of the soil; it springs up too rapidly, the blade apes the loaded ear, and yellows ere harvest time, but bears no grain. Such tricks please us when we contrast them with the performer's age, but progress soon stops and our admiration withers away."

Happy 2008! New beginnings again. So this year I've decided to make some resolutions, and there's also "the list" which I got on my 21st, and I am planning to do everything on the list!. Here's looking forward to a great year ahead!
D I V A at 12:24 AM
0 drop(s) of love