DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

i've learnt that..

I've learnt that...

~Sometimes it's really not about how much effort you put into a piece of work. It's whether you've done it the way the lecturer wants you to. If you did it all wrong, it doesn't matter how much hours you spent drafing and researching and writing, you'll still get almost-a-zero. (Zero is impossible if you hand in something, and you hand in on time.)

~People are really adaptable creatures. I'm getting used to the cold and the wet and the gloomy days.

~It is essential to appreciate beautiful and sunny days. It's a rarity.

~Sometimes time doesn't really matter. Memorable and great friendships can be formed in 2 months. What matters is whether you care enough to actually talk to the person and spend time with him/her.

~Sometimes you don't get chances to talk to them at all. Circumstances changes everything.

~But when you see them along the corridors on the way to lectures, a sense of nostalgia washes your heart, and this thought crosses your mind, "we used to spend heaps of time together..."

~Sometimes the people you wanna spend time with doesn't wanna spend time with you. They're too busy.

~It's during these times, when you're lonely and bored, you think of home.

~And then that dreaded FCOM 110 assignments creep into your mind. You miss home. You have assignments. You don't have anybody to talk to. Suddenly everything seems so futile.

~But you keep on going. I mean, there's nothing else that you can do right?

~Well, you can always pray. Prayer moves the hand that moves the world. Ah, men's last resort. That's not right, though. I wish prayer is the first thing that pops into my mind when I'm stuck with assignments that rendered me clueless.

~There are people in this world whose main cause in life is to make you look and feel confused. For my case, these people are either guys or lecturers who don't make any sense.

~Come to think of it, all of my lecturers are guys. No wonder I'm confused.

~On the other hand, I'm always confused. Guys or no guys. But guys just make my confusion worse. No offence though. I know I'm generalising. Not every guy is like that. Most of them are pretty sweet.

~I have a statistics test next week. It'll be first test in university.

~It's at 6:30pm - 7:30pm. Out of all the time that they can choose for a test, they had to pick dinner time.

~Oh well, it suits everybody's timetable, that's for sure.

~I handed up my first major assignment 2 weeks ago. I have another one due next week. Bloody FCOM.

~But FCOM is suppose to train me in my writing. So I guess I should be grateful for the torture I'm going through. No pain no gain, eh?

~That reminds me of the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy: You cannot gain something without sacrificing something of equal value.

~There's no such thing as alchemy. At least, I don't think so. That principle was from an anime call Full Metal Alchemist.

~I miss watching anime.

~I miss lots of stuff. I shouldn't start listing. It'll take too much time. It's already 2:37am

~So I guess I better call it a night and go to sleep. I have a class at 10am. It's gonna be a long, long year...

D I V A at 10:09 PM
3 drop(s) of love

Saturday, March 18, 2006

i'm still alive

For the record, I'm still alive even though it's been a while since I've updated this space. Today is a BEAUTIFUL Saturday morning, it's 10.37am, daylight saving ends today, there's no wind, the leaves are turning brown, cats are starting to mate, I finished my 1st major assignment but I still have tons to do so it doesn't matter.. but it's a beautiful day. Ah bliss.. this is rare for Wellington.

There are a few things that I've got to know about Wellington and the Kiwis.

~During the early 15th century everybody thought the world was flat. Well, I'm pretty sure that even back then, the Wellingtonians know that's completely wrong. The world was full of hills.

~They eat rice with a fork. But that doesn't really matter. Asians can eat steak with a spoon.

~Marmite and Vegemite. Those are the bread spreads that they have only in New Zealand, I think. It's concentrated yeast extract. It's horrible. It's like putting Bovril on bread. Some people like it. I don't. I tried it once and I'll never ever try it again.

~Friday nights are lively here. Really lively.

~They say 'Cheers' instead of 'thank you' and they say 'awesome' instead of 'great'

~In New Zealand they are lots of sheep. Sheeps have wool. When sheeps poo, their wool get stuck on the poo. And so there's this black, stinking, make-you-wanna-puke-your-organs kind of wool. Thus birthed the phrase 'rattle your dag'. It means 'get moving'.

Those are the few that I can think of right now. I've found out more actually, but I can't seem to remember them at this point.

Studies are going full swing now. Assignments and homework and readings keep coming and piling up. I'm trying my best to keep up with everything but it's kinda draining me. Ah well, that's how student life is and always will be. Friday nights are kept free from studies because of ICF and supper at Readings. Sunday nights are also kept free from studies because there's free jazz music at Lido's, but that all depends on the circumstances. If I'm far too busy I'll just have to forgo jazz night, despite of my love for that genre of music. I still miss home and think of my mom often. I miss friends, too. But that's how life is. Nothing ever lasts.

Few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about how distance tend to turn even the closest and strongest of friendships into mere shreds of glass. Dangerously heart-piercing. Nothing but a memory of what was once beautiful and comforting. The Malay language has a saying that goes 'Ada pertemuan ada perpisahan. Itulah lumrah hidup'. I remembered my mother saying that as we go through life, it helps not to get too attached to anybody. It does no good to be close to people because in the end, they'll still have to leave you, either by choice or by force. Even between parents and children, husband and wives, brothers and sisters, best of friends.. relationships such as these do not last forever either. If we can accept that they will be a time when they won't be there for us anymore, we will be able to cherish and treasure even more the times that they are with us. We'll learn to turn kind thoughts into actions, and give encouraging words to others. We'll learn to say 'I love you' or 'You look great today' or 'Keep up the good work, we're supporting ya!!' or 'I will pray for you'... We'll learn to give out occasional small gifts for no particular reason or agenda, we'll learn to take some time to visit friends who are feeling down or sick, we'll learn to remember people's birthday and send them cards... we'll do all this because we know that one day we won't be able to do those things anymore because they won't be there.

I won't mind people giving me hugs and occasional small gifts. =p

D I V A at 5:10 AM
5 drop(s) of love

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

quote of the day

I know my roomate is sick of this phrase but I can't help posting it here.

Quote of the day:

~Give me a man who is man enough to give himself to the woman who is worthy... and I'll love him forever~ -francesca-

From the movie Casanova.

Go watch it.

It's great.

D I V A at 7:00 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Thursday, March 02, 2006

comings and goings

It's been ages since I've updated. Times flies. I've been here for almost three weeks now. Time goes by real slowly here in Wellington. I felt like I've been here for quite a while, but it was only 3 weeks.

So what's up in my life?

Well, classes have started and I've signed up for tutorials. The last time I really 'studied' and 'prepared for tutorials' and 'hand up assignments' was about 8 months ago when I finished foundation year. *LAN is not proper 'course' but I did enjoy Moral Studies.* I'm trying hard to fight the urge to sleep in almost every lecture. Jia Yin drank coffee before FCOM lecture today and she still slept in class. The mocha had no effect whatsoever. Hahaha.. (FCOM = Introduction to the Commercial Environment. Honestly, I am yet to hear anything commercial like about this course.) Economics is ok. I miss Ms Elsie. She's the best Econs lecturer in the this whole entire world and without her I'll die and rot when it comes to economics. Sigh I miss Ms Elsie. Statistics was okay too. I always liked maths. It doesn't matter if the lecturer sucks. I will always love the subject. I'm having Information Systems class tomorrow and I don't know how to prepare for that class. The notes I got from the lecturer and the content in the textbook don't match. Maybe I bought the wrong textbook.

Speaking of textbooks...

I spent most of my free time volunteering and helping out in the 2nd hand bookstall. I learned how to use the cash register, how to operate that 'stamp-like' thing. *You know, the one where librarians use to catalogue books.* I've made some friends. I learned the trade of marketing and the true meaning of the word *recycle*. To bring more business to the 2nd hand bookstall we printed out dozens of fliers and posters in lime green paper. We stuck those lime green papers on the noticeboards all over uni (there's a lot of noticeboards) and used other people's thumbtacks to do it, which means we'll be covering other people's advertisements. I think it's pretty clever, ethics aside of course. Here in VUW, that's call *recycling*.

I made some friends who are studying music. It made me miss Maurice Ravel and Debussy, my favourite composers. I wished I hadn't stop playing the piano after I went to college. I don't know whether I can play classical music anymore. Maybe I could, if I practiced everyday and if I practiced hard. I couldn't remember the tunes of the pieces that I used to play until just now, when I was in the shower. I don't know why, but sad emotions triggered my subconsious brain and the tunes started flowing into my head. I remembered Claire de Lune and Menuet, and I wish I'm in my home living room, with the Debussy or Ravel CD in my stereo, with the volume sky high, with me encircled by the piano melodies. Maybe Chris can somehow get some cheap music scores for me and if I can find some time to practice, I can play classical again.

Sad emotions...

I miss my mom. I miss her a lot. I wished I had someone to talk to. Someone who knows me in and out and who won't judge me for what I have to say or how I feel. Well, my mom is normally the person I run to when I'm down but she's not here. Just the thought of her makes me sad. It's not that I'm not enjoying my time here. I just wished I can talk ages and ages to her again. The other person that I normally talk about everything is JS but because of the time difference, we're 13 hours apart. The fella is in UK and I'm at the other end of the world. But that's life. You can't really depend on anyone for love or understanding or comfort. It took me quite a while, but I think I finally understand what does 'letting go of all expectations' mean. When you put expectations on people, more often than not they'll let you down. It's not because they want to hurt you, but that's just how life is. So it's better not to expect any sort of comfort zone from others. That's why there's God. God won't let you down because.. well.. he's God. If even God can let me down then I don't know what's the meaning of life anymore.

Well, I have tons of readings to do. I have homework due next week. Time is not on my side. It never was.

D I V A at 2:10 PM
1 drop(s) of love