DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY

Tonight at 930pm, I will be boarding a plane that will take me to the end of the world, literally. That is what New Zealand is. The very end of the world. The only place further down is Antartica and that place is unhabitable. Unless you're a polar bear.

I imagine that by the time I'm at my seat, with the doors sealed shut, and the plane starts moving for take off, I would want to go to the cockpit to ask the pilot to turn back, because I don't think I'm ready to go. Not yet. 4 weeks is far too short a time to spend with family, and I will not see them for a while. But as usual, these thoughts will only be in my head, because in my very heart of hearts, I know where I'm suppose to be.

Before I went to bed last night, I went to every corner of my house, thinking and pondering over events, items and people. My dad used to have tuition classes in the kitchen, and I used to sit there with my friends, going through difficult questions in Additional Mathematics. And I still think of these friends of mine, even though I haven't seen them in a long time. The juice blender lay there unused. I was the only one who really used that thing. The same goes with the electric oven. I went into the hall. The piano. I've been playing that thing since I was 5. Same piano. And till this day, no sound made from any instrument sound more beautiful than the one made by my family piano. So many music books, ranging from beginners until difficult classical pieces. Murgorsky, Hadyn, Chopin, Beethoven, Bach, Debussy, Ravel.. Of course, I would find it hard to play any of them now, not having properly played after I've finished my diploma. I went into the room that I used to share with my sister. Our wardrobe and dressing table used to belong to my parents in our old home, before we moved into this house. My bed used to be beside the window, and I would lie awake, looking at the stars, imagining of a world out there that I haven't seen. I went into my brother's room. The wardrobe that is in his room used to be mine in the old house. There is a picture of a boy and girl, and they're holding balloons. When I was young, I would stare at the picture, and thought that they're the most beautiful couple because they were very in love. There used to be a mirror in the wardrobe but its gone now, broken. I went into my mother's room, and I remember how she would preach to us about God, hoping that all of us would grow up following God. And I dare say that all of us would never abandon Christianity for anything else.

So many memories.

There are many places in the world that I want to see, so many things that I want to do and experience, but none of them would beat home. Home is my safe haven in this world of turmoil; where everything is provided for - bed, food, and love; where doctors are easily accessible and everything is cheaper; where most people know my culture and I know theirs. No where else in the world will compare to home, and this is where I want to end up, no matter where life brings me.

....

One of the most popular science fiction is Star Trek. Set in a time far more advanced than we are now, around the 24th or 25th century, Earth (humans) is now part of an alliance called the Federation - consisting of other alien races such as the Vulcans, Klingons, Ktarians, Romulans etc. The technology is advanced enough that space travel is not only possible, but normal. The galaxy is divided into quadrants, and Earth is in the Alpha Quadrant. Earth's main space control is called StarCommand, and its amarda of ships are called StarFleet. USS Voyager is part of this fleet. They were sent on a mission to the Badlands, but due to a space anomaly, they were transported from the Alpha Quadrant to the Delta Quadrant - thousands, if not miliion of light years away from Earth. And from there, they start their journey home, persistent with their main mission - which is getting back to Earth. They've met many alien races - some friendly, but most of them hostile. While they took the opportunity to explore, gaining and expanding their scientific knowledge, they have never lost sight of what they are trying to do.

A Brunali family sat under the stars after an encounter with Voyager. Brunalis are agrarian and their technology poor due to destruction by the Borg, a notoriously hostile alien race. Their vessels have low warp technology, meaning that they cannot travel far. The father of the Brunali family told his son:"Ironic, isn't it? With all of Voyager's technology, and their opportunities for exploration, the only place they truly want to go, is home."

....

I've probably said this statement so many times that its becoming really cliche.

Time flies and it waits for no one.

It has been a really good year with its own ups and downs. I've come to grasp a lot of realities in life a lot better and learned more about God through these things. And I hope that I have grown more in maturity and wisdom. Life has been good despite the rain and thunderstorms, but through it all God has been very faithful in caring and providing for me. I've also met some wonderful people and seen other wonderful people leave my day-to-day life. Talk about being bittersweet.

22 years going on 23. For some reason, I don't feel that young anymore.

I've been thinking a lot about decisions; where I should go and what should I do for the next couple of years. Again I'm at a crossroad, but this is a big one which would have a lot of implications. And I would need to make up my mind really soon. Its like having two hearts: Logic vs Desire. One is the far more logical and sensible decision, while the other is based purely on what the heart wants. I've been praying, asking God to show me which road should I pick. But in my heart of hearts I know that God probably will not pick the road for me. He'll tell me to pick a route and then reassures me that He will always be there for me. Sigh.

God, help me only to serve You in everything I do.