DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY

Saturday, February 28, 2009

the biggest mistake

that you can make is to promise her this and that and everything, even the world, when you're not ready, or when its not yours to give.

It will break her because she will believe you.

Every single word. Every single promise.

So watch the weight of what you say.

Some words just go too deep. Like "love", or "forever"

Some promises, just far too shallow.

D I V A at 1:24 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Sunday, February 22, 2009

one last time

I've finished my internship on Friday. And it is nothing less than a great experience. My last day was filled with its share of good and bad. The weather on that day was horrible, with rain and wind all day long. Actually, all of NZ was raining and wet and cold on that day. But the day eventually ended well. I've finished up my work earlier than expected. And I received an offer for a graduate position in Feb 2010. Considering the economic climate, having a job is a great blessing from God.

But if I sign the contract, it would be staying here. Overseas. Again. Away from family. Again. For God knows how long this time.

We know not the paths that we should tread. Only God has been there. That is why He is called the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last; the author and finisher of our faith. I'm still not absolutely sure that this is the right decision. I don't think I've ever been sure of the major decisions that I've made, except for one: to live under the light of His glorious face, to surrender my all to Him who provides ultimate salvation and unending love.

So I don't know.

But what I do know is this: University. One last time.

The Song of Miriam

In your unfailing love you will lead the people who have redeemed
In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling
....
You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance
the place, O LORD, that you have made for your dwelling
the sanctuary, O LORD, your hands established.
The LORD will reign forever and ever.

D I V A at 6:13 AM
1 drop(s) of love

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

captivating

The leaves were long, the grass were green
The hemlock umbels tall and fair
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering
Tinuviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen
And light of stars was in her hair
And in her raiment glimmering

Then Beren came from mountains cold
And lost he wandered under leaves
And where the Elven-river rolled
He walked alone and sorrowing
He peered between the hemlock leaves
And saw in wonder flowers of gold
Upon her mantle and her sleeves
And her hair like shadow following

Enchantment heeled his weary feet
That over hills were doomed to roam
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet
And grasped at moonbeams glistening
Through woven woods in Elvenhome
She lightly fled on dancing feet
And left him lonely still to roam
In the silent forest listening

He heard there oft the flying sound
Of feet as light as linden leaves
Or music welling underground
In hidden hollows quavering
Now withered lay the hemlock sheaves
And one by one with sighing sounds
Whispering fell the beechen leaves
In wintry woodland wavering

He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering
Her mantle glinted in the moon
As on a hill top high and far
She danced, and her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering

When winter passed, she came again
And her song released the sudden spring
Like rising lark, and falling rain
And melting water bubbling
He saw the elven-flower springs
About her feet and healed again
He longed by her to dance and sing
Upon the grass untroubling

Again she fled, but swift he came
Tinuviel! Tinuviel!
He called her by her elvish name
And there she halted listening
One moment stood she,
and a spell his voice laid on her
And doom fell on Tinuviel
That in his arms lay glistening

As Beren look into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering
Tinuviel the elven-fair
Immortal elven maiden wise
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glistening

Long was the way that fate them bore
Over stony mountains cold and grey
Through halls of iron and darkling door
And woods of nightshade morrowless
The Sundering Seas between them lay
And yet at last they met once more
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless

- The Lay of Leithien; J.R.R Tolkien

When they died, the Valar took pity on them, and put them in the skies as stars for all to see...

Beren, where art thou?

D I V A at 3:42 PM
0 drop(s) of love

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

the struggle of humanity

Quote:

- The Christian Approach Series

All religions ask fundamental questions about man, the universe in which he lives, his origin, his purpose and end; his need of forgiveness and strength; his attempt to live the good life; his desire to get on terms with whatever final reality there may be; his longing for immortality. These questions are matters of life and death.

- The Imitation of Christ; Thomas a Kempis

So long as we live in this world, we cannot be without tribulations and temptation. According as it is written in Job, "The life of man upon earth is a life of temptation.". Everyone therefore ought to be careful about his temptations, and to watch in prayer, lest the devil find an occasion to deceive him; for he never sleeps, but goes about seeking whom he may devour. No man is so perfect and holy, but he has sometimes temptations; and without them we cannot be.

Nevertheless, temptations are often very profitable to us, though they be troublesome and grievous, for in them a man is humbled, purified, and instructed. All saints passed through many tribulations and temptations, and profited thereby. And they that could not bear temptations, become reprobate, and fell away. There is no order so holy, nor place so secret, where there be not temptations, or adversities.

There is no man that is altogether free from temptation while he lives on earth; for in ourselves is the root, being born with an inclination to evil. When one temptation or tribulation goes away, another comes, and we shall ever have something to suffer, because we are fallen from the state of our happiness. Many seek to flee temptations, and fall more grievously into them. By flight alone we cannot overcome, but by patience and true humility we become stronger than all our enemies.

He that only avoids them outwardly, and does not pluck them up by the roots, shall profit little. Temptations will sooner return unto him, and he shall feel himself in a worse state than before. By little and little, and by patience with long-suffering through God's help, you shall more easily overcome, than with violence and your own importunity. Often take counsels in temptations, and deal not roughly with him that is tempted; but give him comfort, as you would wish to be done to yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptations is inconstancy of mind, and little trust in God. For as a ship without a helm is tossed to and fro with the waves, so the man who is remiss, and apt to leave to his purpose, is in many ways tempted. Fire tries iron, and temptation tries a just man. We know not oftentimes what we are able to do, but temptations show us what we truly are. Yet we must be watchful, especially in the beginning of temptation; for the enemy is then more easily overcome, if he is not suffered to enter the door of our hearts, but is resisted without the gate at his first knock. Wherefore someone said,"Withstand the beginnings, for later the remedy comes too late." For first there comes to the mind a bare thought, then a strong imagination, afterward, delight, an evil motion, and then consent. And so by little and little our wicked enemy gets complete entrance, while he is not resisted in the beginning. And the longer a man is negligent in resisting, so much the weaker does he become daily in himself, and the enemy stronger against him.

Some suffer great temptations in the beginning of their conversion; others at the end. Others again are much troubled almost through the whole life. Some are easily tempted, according to the wisdom and equity of the Divine appointment, which weighs the states and worth of men, and ordains all things for the welfare of his own chosen ones.

We ought not therefore to despair when we are tempted, but so much the more fervently to pray unto God, that he will grant us help in all tribulations; who, surely, according to the words of St. Paul, will give with the temptation a way of escape, that we may be able to bear it. Let us therefore humble our souls under the hand of God in all temptations and tribulations, for he will save and exalt the humble in spirit.

In temptations and afflictions a man is proved how much he has profited; and his reward is thereby greater, and his graces do more eminently shine forth. Neither is it any such great thing if a man be devout and fervent, when he feels no affliction; but if in time of adversity he bears himself patiently, there is hope then of great progress in grace. Some are kept from great temptations, and in small ones which do daily occur, are often overcome; to the end that, being humbled, they may never presume on themselves in great matters, who are baffled in so small things.

For He has made us to be more than conquerors...

On another note:

I think I'm only finally starting to understand the truth and the essence of the great God that I believe in. And it is simple: this life is but ash in light of eternity, and all the pleasures that have grazed my timeline is but dust compared to His blessings of love and immortality. And nothing or no one in this world is so precious that I should choose the world instead of Him, and in doing so, breaking His heart. Because when the light goes out from my mortal eyes, there is nothing else that I can carry with me save my relationship with my Maker, and the promise that He has given; where no tears of sadness shall ever touch my eyes again, and He shall be the light of my day; where darkness has no home, and sorrows will flee from His presence; where love is everlasting and pure, and life abundant.

No, nothing is as precious as this.

D I V A at 6:45 PM
0 drop(s) of love

Friday, February 13, 2009

happy valentine's...

Wherever you are.

Wish you were here.

D I V A at 8:49 PM
0 drop(s) of love

Thursday, February 05, 2009

workforce

Working life.

It took me ages to get used to waking up at 630 in the morning. And more than once have I woken up way too late. Like that other time? I woke up at 8am, I kid you not. Guess what time I start work: 830am. And by the way, "start work at 830am" means that I'm at my desk, logged on to the server by 830am, not strolling through the lobby at 830am. I remember praying frantically to God, hoping that by some incredible, undeserving miracle, I can get to work on time. That morning, the bus did not have to stop for any red lights. Green all the way! Of course, that was one fluke which God, with His ideals on hard work and justice, will not allow to happen to me, ever again.

It's a totally different learning curve really. Everybody is pushed to continuously learn more and pick up more skills and gain more understanding. There is always a trial period, where mistakes are often made and confusion is rampant. And being an intern, I'm always making mistakes and I'm always confused. But I think the trial period is exactly what it is: a period. There's a full stop. So there will come a time when I need to stop making too many mistakes and stop being confused all the time.

But all in all I think I've learned a lot. I have been given difficult and challenging tasks which I think I will not be able to get anywhere else. I like the culture of the firm and there are lots of nice people there who work hard and diligently. I really hope that I won't be too confused anymore.

My peer group has also grown quite close. We like each other's company, and I guess it makes the whole internship experience a lot deeper and more meaningful. And I will always cherish these people.

And there's the stress. I've only felt the surface of it. But my gosh, its not something that I've felt before. You see, stress from studying is different. I guess its because when I study, I owe an obligation mainly to God, to my family and to myself. And those are very important obligations. But I know that God or my parents are not going to fire me when I screw up.

Employers can.

And there's also the feeling that I may be bringing the team down or over-shooting the budget; Oh and I hate the "stupid" sign that seems to always hang on my head - mainly due to lack of experience. And deadlines get tight and most times things don't always go as planned.

But this is what working life is, isn't it? A steep learning curve that never ends. It never ends even when you have the title "Partner", and you're the one signing on the report, the brandname which you own and striving to protect.

In saying that, important stuff from uni finally came through. I got my offer letter and enrollment is on the 18th of Feb. So I'm going to be taking the compulsory research methodology papers, Advanced Taxation and Advanced Financial Accounting. Which means I get Mondays and Wednesdays off. HAHAHA! And no more waking up at 630am! YAAY!

Although I think I will take up Fi's advice and start waking up early.

I've heard this saying from somewhere: "When you're dead, you get all the time in the world to sleep anyway."

D I V A at 5:23 PM
2 drop(s) of love