DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY

Monday, July 31, 2006

jia yin and ck

31 July - Jia Yin turns 20
10 August - CK turns 20

When you go through life, it is expected for one to come across a few people who will leave deep impacts on our lives. Some impacts left scars that will never heal, and yet some impacts generate footprints that symbolise happiness, joy, and good times shared.

We came to New Zealand in a group, and spent our first few weeks in Wellington together. Jia Yin, CK, Amanda, Li Hui and I. However, when university started, I rarely see Amanda and Li Hui on campus. However, I do try to hang out with them whenever I can. And I sometimes overreact when I see them on campus. "AAAMMAAANNNDAA!!! LIIIII HUUIIII!!!!!!!" sometimes. I think that occurs less now *ahem..sorry* But I see Jia Yin and CK almost everyday. We sit together in lectures. For some subjects, we are in the same tutorial class. We study together, laugh at each other and carry each other's burdens. I can tell them what's on my mind without really hiding much. And CK is no longer afraid or 'paiseh' to say things like "You eat too much" straight to my face. It is cruelty of the highest order. But then, I guess that's what good friends do. When you see each other almost every single day, you kinda get immuned to the so-called harsh-but-I'm-only-joking insults they throw at you.

Jia Yin turned 20 today, and CK will turn 20 in August. Last Sunday, a whole bunch of us celebrated their birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!! So who got drunk? I heard the sake was all gone :p

Anyways, I hope you guys will have a wonderful year ahead and more great years to come! May God bless and take care of you always, as both of you have been a great blessing to me. You are the best mates anyone could ever ask for. Although there are times when I've been driven to the brink of insanity but I've always been brought back to the world of the sane through laughter, joy and simply by throwing nonsensical insults with you guys. It's amazing how strong friendships can be built within a short timeframe, seeing that I've known you guys for less than a year. Just wanna say thanks for everything.

We have 3 and a half more years to go.

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support, and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship" - Cicero

"Friendship from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter" - James Fenimore Cooper

D I V A at 7:35 PM
1 drop(s) of love

Thursday, July 20, 2006

being random

I am currently:

- sick. My nose hurts. My voice has changed. I wheeze when I breathe. Lots of people are getting sick these few days. But I guess things could've been a lot worse. My situation is not that bad. It's probably the change in the weather. It's winter now, and it's windy, and cold, and raining. I've been waking up at 7am in the morning, and walking to uni in the rain to get to 8am lectures. It's not even my lectures. I go because I want to make sure that the lecture notes that I got (which I'm not suppose to have because I'm in a different stream) are complete. So for this semester, I'll be spending 19 hours every week in Uni, and that is only lectures and tutorials. Ah the ups and downs of a student.

- very grateful to all the people who have encouraged me and gave me meaningful advice last night at the Potential Leaders Meeting. Thank you Ching Wen, Esther and Aik Win for talking to me and supporting me in prayer and in words. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, but I'm just taking the plunge. I cannot push away the voice of God anymore. I don't want to live a life wondering what could have been, just because I didn't take the path that I'm suppose to. I don't want to kill, what Aik Win called 'the spark'. To live is for Christ. May His purposes for my life be fulfilled.

- waiting for my parcel from home. In the parcel are my clothes and skirts which I really miss. I miss wearing skirts, although wearing skirts here in Wellington, especially this time of the year is highly dangerous due to the wind, and potentially hazardous to health because of the cold.

- thinking of the kids at Citykids Childcare Center. When I was in the laundry room, I emptied out one of the dryers because I wanted to use it. When I opened the dryer, a familiar scent floated into the air. Although my nose hurts, I haven't lost my sense of smell. Inside the dryer were bedsheets and some towels. The scent reminded me of the children that I used to care for. It was the scent of little kids who have just bathed, wearing baby powder and new clean clothes. Even though I was in the center for only two days, I've become quite attached to some of the kids, and I often think of them. Maybe it's just the way my brain works, but I remember most of the scent that passed through my nose. It is registered in my brain. I remember the scent of perfumes and food. I also remember the scent (or smell, depending on circumstances) of people. So, I know when someone has BO, even only slightly. Although I've never really told anyone this:"Hey man, you stink." And I also know when someone is a pro in selecting perfume.

- thinking about the lessons that God has been trying to teach me. For quite a while, He taught me faith. He sent people to encourage me and teach me about having faith in Him. He bombarded the same scripture to me again and again. Hebrews 11:1 -> Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and being certain of what we do not see. He helped me to trust Him more, and coaxed me to surrender my life totally to Him, and be totally dependent on Him. And now, He's teaching me to be patient and wait for His timing and His plans. After Esther Yap's birthday dinner, Ching Wen gave everyone there a poem that Esther received through e-mail. Quoting from the poem: When the time is not right, God says, "Slow". When everything is all right, God says, "Go". Before that, I received a text message that contains this verse: Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21. Isn't it ironic? From the day when I was born until today, my life was planned, but it wasn't my plans that came to pass, it was the Lord's. In the past, I've been disappointed many times when my plans didn't come through, but as I looked back at my life, I am awestruck at His grace and wisdom. Everything happened for a reason. I didn't understand why back then. But I understand now. It'll be the same 10 years down the road. I don't understand the position I'm in now. But I'll understand soon enough.

- waiting for my clothes to dry.

- not looking foward to QUAN lecture later.

D I V A at 9:17 AM
1 drop(s) of love

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

for love's sake only

If thou must love me, let it be for nought

except for love's sake only. Do not say

"I love her for her smile.. her look... her way

of speaking gently.. for a trick of thought

that falls in well with mine, and certes brought

a sense of pleasant ease on such a day -

for these things in themselves, Beloved, may

be changed, or change for thee, - and love, so wrought,

may be unwrought so. Neither love me for

thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,

since one might well forget to weep who bore

thy comfort log, and lose thy love thereby.

But love me for love's sake, that evermore

thou may'st love on through love's eternity.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning-

D I V A at 7:14 AM
2 drop(s) of love

Saturday, July 15, 2006

go the distance?

The second trisemester has started and is going full swing now. Tutorials are about to begin. Assignments are pouring in. Assignment hand-in dates and term tests dates have been announced. Here comes study mode. *everybody sighs*

When the last semester ended, some of the friends that I have made went back to their respective homes. In Weir House, which is the hostel of which I am a resident, three of my friends went back home. Two of them went back to United States, and the other went back to Korea. Another friend whom I've met through ICF has went back to the States as well.

Although I don't really keep in touch with them anymore (my fault), I still hear about them from other friends. When they first came to New Zealand, three out of the four friends that I've mentioned above were in a relationship. Two of the relationships are broken now. It's not only them. I know of other people who have faced this problem as well in their relationships: distance. I've heard about far too many breakups in these past few months. It has come to the point where it saddens me to think about them. When I think of these friends of mine, it came to mind that distance was not the only factor. Other things such as religion, third parties, insecurity, lack of trust etc have caused many relationships that I've deemed to be strong to tumble and fall. What's going on?

I remember writing an entry about love in this blog last year. I entitled the post "i choose to" (scroll down to read the post. Do read it, it's one of my best writings yet, haha...) This is because I believe that love is a choice. A concious choice made by a person to love another, and to accept that person as he/she is. It is a decision made with both the heart and the mind, and because it is our own choice made out of our freewill, we stand by it. I used to believe this. And I still do. Yet, reality sinks in once in a while, and there are times when I do ponder whether I'm waiting for the impossible.

I know that God hears my prayers, and He is in control of my life. He has great plans for me, and He will help me achieve my destiny. His destiny for me is greater than my wildest imagination. He is a big God, and He loves me. He has been so real and gracious in my life far too many times, and even when things seem impossible, He's always there to show me that nothing is impossible with Him. I am now waiting for what the world will classify as impossible: him, whoever he may be. The 'him' that God has created for me, and me for him. The 'him' that God has destined to love me, and for me to love him back. The 'him' that will look at me, see through my weaknesses and faults, and yet sees the beauty within me, and deem me worthy of his love. The 'him' that will love and care for me always, no matter how hard things become, because he sets his eyes upon the Lord, and God will give him strength. The 'him' that will be my partner in this dance call life. The 'him' that will be my companion in achieving my God-ordained destiny. I am waiting for 'him', whoever he may be. And I know he's somewhere out there. And he's waiting for me, too. I pray that God will work such a miracle in my life, that when he does come, I will have nothing to say but this: Praise be the name of the Lord, for He has heard my prayers, and gave me the desires of my heart. I have faith, and my faith is in God. I have hope, and my hope is in God.

Yet, the thought of being a 60 year old spinster...ARGHHHH!! SCARY!!

Repeat to self: I have faith, and my faith is in God. I have hope, and my hope is in God.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24b-25

Whoever you are, I am waiting ^^

D I V A at 4:01 PM
5 drop(s) of love

Monday, July 10, 2006

TSCF conference 2006

As this was my first conference, I went to Auckland not knowing what to expect. I was excited about exploring the biggest city in New Zealand, having heard so much about its liveliness, the variety it provides for die-hard shoppers and the ever increasing amount of asian food. As for the conference itself, I didn't know I was getting myself into, but I hoped and prayed that it'll b a life changing experience for me. And it was. When conference came to an end, I wished that I could stay longer.

In the conference, I've learnt so much about my faith and have been touched again and again by the message of the cross. While listening to testimonials and sermons about the impact and love of Jesus, I cannot help but be in awe by the love of God and His perfect sacrifice. In the workshops, I was challeged to spread message to those who haven't yet experience the true meaning of Christianity. This is perhaps the biggest block for me yet as a Christian. Although there are times when I found it hard to absorb what the speaker was trying to say (due to sleepiness), I felt encouraged by their love and the depth of understanding that they have about God.

I did visit city. Queens Street was filled with stores and places to shop, but Wellington has most of the shops as well. Except for Dunkin Donuts. Ah.. Food. It's kinda like a much longer and busier version of Lambton Quay. I also went to Mount Eden, and from the top, marveled at the size of the city. The place is HUGE.

However, the best part of conference is all the wonderful people that I've met, but don't have much opportunities to get to know them more. Members of OCF, ICF, CU and EU from all over New Zealand were gathered there, and I've managed to form some really good friendships over the past few days. I've also met really talented people throughout conference. Some are talented in music, some are talented in making humour, some are talented in mahjong, some are talented in playing the tambourine, etc. Some of the white guys managed to learn how to play mahjong during conference, and some of them beat the asians in the game. People like Dave and Tim can put yellow people to shame. And Dave can now pronounce 1 to 10 in mandarin, and also the four winds, and recognize the characters. North - "Bei" looks like a hand grenade. West - "Xi" looks like a toaster. I forgot how they describe East and South, but I remember Lauren saying that the chinese character for seven looks like a sword. The OCF from Palmerston North had a road trip before coming to conference, and they put together a slideshow for everyone to watch. The places in the South Island are really beautiful, and they had such a wonderful time together. I'm really keen on a road trip during the holz. Anyone wanna join me? Haha.. Maybe starting from Auckland, and going all the way down south, and then back up north again. And then I can go back home from there.

The last night of conference was the best night of my life. We didn't sleep. The Aucklanders wanted to take us out for bubble tea, but the restaurant was close. So we ended up having coffee instead, and I started picking on other people's cakes. "Tasting" was what Fiona called it. Haha.. After that we had a tour of the university. The university was concentrated on one location, not like Vic Uni which has four campuses in different areas, and thus, the campus was really big. Later, we went to Mission Bay and sat around and played games and took some silly snapshots. We wanted to watch the sunrise from Mount Eden, but it was closed and it was too cloudy anyway. But we had so much fun. It's sad that Wellington is so far away from Auckland. If the places were near enough, all of us could become really good friends. All the same, I thank God that I had the chance to meet them and pray for future activities together. The current suggestion is to have a combined Auckland OCF and Wellington ICF ski trip. I hope both parties will work out and try to make it happen. Yaay!! A big thank you to Amos, Charles and Ben for taking us out. :D I'll always cherish that night for days to come.

I thank God for a wonderful time of conference. Sad that it has to end.

Uni started again.

Sigh.. :(

D I V A at 12:07 PM
3 drop(s) of love

Monday, July 03, 2006

i'm off to auckland

I'm leaving for TSCF conference tomorrow.

Will update this site shortly.

Do pray that everybody who attends conference will have a life-changing experience with God.

Cheers~~

D I V A at 4:19 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Saturday, July 01, 2006

prayers do get answered

It's the holidays!!! Things have been really going great for the past couple of days. I've spent most of the holidays just catching up with friends, hanging out with them and having basically a really great time. During term, I hardly ever get to hang out with friends who are doing other courses so spending time with them was wonderful. I'm also really looking forward to the TSCF conference in Auckland. Elaine is already in Auckland and apparently she's having the time of her life! I haven't really thought much about the conference since the start of the holidays because I've been busy with other friends, but now that the start of the conference is drawing near, I'm getting excited. I'm hoping to be able to meet lots of new people and also to have my life changed by the presence and movement of the Holy Spirit.

These are some highlights during my holidays:

~ Everybody is hyped about Superman Returns back home. I was never really a big fan of Marvel comics, and I'm sure that it is a really good show. But I would really recommend watching Adam Sandler's greatest movie yet - Click. I watched it at Regent on Manners with CK, JY, Amanda, Li Hui and Beng. The show was supposed to be a comedy, but at the end, it moved everybody to tears. The movie reminded me about the leprechaun and how he wanted to find his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and when he finally reached the end of the rainbow, the pot of gold was only cornflakes. Sometimes the greatest riches of life lie in simple things: family, friendship, love. Watch the movie. It's worth every single penny.

~ I can play mahjong. It is a great game because I get it. I can play chor dai di as well (sort of) but I suck big time because I don't get it. I like mahjong because I get it. *I think my dad may have a million things to say to me right now*. But I still don't gamble. I don't play with money. Haha...

~ I've never been employed my entire life. If you refer to my older posts you would have read about me applying for early childhood job through an agency. I've waited for one whole month for that job. I've prayed, begged God, asked my lifegroup to pray, asked my mom to pray etc. Throughout that one month, I've applied for various other jobs but I've always hoped that I'll get this childcare job because the pay is high (12.80 dollars per hour before tax), the hours are flexible (I can choose when to work and I don't have to work on weekends, which means I can still lead my usual life), and I enjoy taking care of kids. I'm glad to say that God does answer prayers, and He answers it in His own mighty ways and in His own timing. I started work last Friday. I worked from 9am to 5.30pm in Citykids Childcare Center on Tinakori Road. Most of the permanent staff were great, and they helped me a lot. I was really nervous on my first day of work. I don't know what to expect but everybody was extremely helpful. Ying, the senior attendant in the childcare center made me feel welcomed and taught me what I need to know. It was a really tiring day, but it was worth it. The children were absolutely wonderful. I'm serious. Ok. Most of them were wonderful but a few were just plain devils. Ok, let me rephrase that again. Children are basically devils in disguise. Sometimes they are like angels. Most of the time they drive you nuts. But I can't help loving them. They're so cute, adorable, innocent and they are the future of the world. Their greatest problem is "When is Mommy coming to pick me up?" Life is simply wonderful when you're a kid. I'm going to work there again on Monday. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get consistent jobs on Monday afternoons and Fridays when the semester starts. My hours are not fixed because the jobs that I'll be getting will depend on whether the agency can get bookings for me. I'm praying now for consistency. But I thank God for this job. I know it is God-given. Praise Him!

The holidays are not over yet. Happy days are still rolling my way and miracles are going to happen! I'm looking forward to how God is going to, and I quote from Paster Gillian Cameron - "show-off in my life"

D I V A at 12:01 PM
0 drop(s) of love