I am a beach freak. I love the feel of sand under my feet, the blaze of the hot morning sun, the wind blowing through my hair, and the touch of the cold, frozen water. I love sitting down at my favourite spot on the sandy shores, watching the waves hitting the beaches and be at awe at God's great creativity. As the song goes, "I stand in awe of Him who made the starry heavens.. I stand in awe of Him who made the stormy seas..." The sea gives me a sense of peace, and it deeply reflects my deepest longing of my soul. I want to be like the waters: strong and majestic like the rising of waves, and yet, providing a sense of tranquility, peace and beauty.
I was at Raumati Beach recently for my first ICF committee retreat. We talked through topics that will help us in our first baby steps as a committee. All of us, save for Leesha, are new in this. Even for Leesha, things seem different because she was Programs Coordinator before, and never had to bother about administration work. Now, she's also stepping into untread territory. Topis such as our vision, our goals, our plans-of-attack, building relationships with various people and organisations, using insiders' knowledge etc, was intense. I found out very quickly what being on committee demanded of me: sacrifice, and lots of it. Albeit the hardcore discussions that we have about God, all of us had a wonderful time bonding. I heard Jeremy sing for the first time. That's simply memorable. At our first night, all of us huddle together with the guitar and starting sing songs of praise. Leesha commented that singing together as a committee was something new, and she has never seen that before in the old committee. Yaay new blood!! When the old committee came, the Dowager Empress Esther made her specialities. Roast chicken for dinner and scones for breakfast the next day. Ooo the taste of roasted potatoes and kumara and onions and of course, the crispy, brown chicken skin and the soft, tender, yum chicken meat. Heaven food... Ooo the yummy, soft, buttered-and-drenched-with-chocolate scones filled my heart and stomach with absolute delight. *Sighs in pleasure* No wonder CK commented that I've grown fat around the waist. ARGH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Operation losing weight will kick in.
Anyways... back to the original story. I was talking about the beach...
On the last morning of the retreat, I woke up at 8am, and decided not to sleep anymore. I went to bed with lots of thoughts in my head, and I need to think them through. I needed God, and I wanted to pray in stillness, quietness and solitude. So I went out into the louge, and opened the door, because I wanted to go to the beach. I saw two people sleeping in the louge. "Hmm.. I thought Aik Win alone was sleeping here.." I went to see who the other person was. Aik Win was on the floor, meaning there's another person on the bed, whom I later found out was Elaine. Aik Win stared at me from his sleeping bag as if he is staring at the ghost of Christmas past. I didn't say anything, ignored his stare and went out. He later made fun of me for, apparently, praying to Hai Long Wang (Dragon Emperor of the Seas).
I walked along the beach in a slow pace. The wind was strong, and I could hear it howling in my ears. I saw some small steps and what looked like a shelter from the wind, so I went there and stood, and prayed...
"I thank you Lord. I thank you Lord for the fact that I am here, at this beautiful place, all because of your blessings and grace. I thank you Lord for my mother whom I sorely miss. Thank you for her strength, her guidance and for her faith in You. I thank you Lord for my father, who has protected and provided for me since I was a child, and who loved me fiercely. I thank you Lord for my brother and for the blessings that you've poured out on Him. Thank you for the miracles that happened in his life. In one a half years time, he will be here in this beautiful country, although not in Wellington. But he will create such awesome and significant memories that will change his life forever. I thank you Lord for my sister. She is the strongest of us all, and the only one who still has an innocent and trusting mind. I thank you Lord for all the wonderful people that you have placed beside me all the years of my life. Yee Mun and Ai Lian, who were my best friends in primary school. I remember my other friends' faces, although I don't remember most of their names anymore. I remember laughter, fun and no worries. As for the people that I've met in high school, it would take me far too long to mention all of them. I remember the memories, the love that I felt and the bond that will always remain intact no matter what happens. I thank you Lord for the people that I've met in college and the lessons that I've learnt. I remember how I told you that my life was changed because of the bad experiences that I went through. It made me grow in maturity and wisdom. I thank you Lord for now, for the people here that I've met and yet to meet. I thank you for their prayers, support and sincere friendships. I've been blessed."
"Lord, I am afraid of what is in front of me. I am afraid that I'm not capable of doing what I'm suppose to do. I am afraid that I'll disappoint the people that I love and respect. I am afraid of leaving my comfort zone. I am afraid of being alone. Maybe it's just me. Maybe there's something wrong with me, and I'll never be able to find someone (other than You and family of course) that will be able to love me for the way I am. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, although at most times characteristics that I don't have seem to attract more attention from other people. Now that You have called me to do Your works, I will try my very best to do it well, and to please you for the rest of my days. You have told me to wait. And still I am waiting. Lord I am afraid... I am afraid of uncertainties, of things that I yearn for and have not come to pass, of lack of abilities. Above all, I am afraid of loneliness."
And then I thought to myself, "Girl, you're all jumbled up. Even your prayer is not in order..."
A rainbow then appeared. A rainbow symbolises a promise God made to mankind. He promised that He will never destroy the Earth again using water. He was saddened on the day He wiped out the whole Earth, and left only Noah and the pairs of animals in the ark. I felt God telling me this: "This is my promise to you. No matter how hard things get, no matter how bad your trials seem to be, you will survive and triumph over it. I will not wipe out your world. I want to strech you, and streching is painful, but you will be more equipped to achieve the destiny that I have for you. Wait and see my glory manifested in your life. Wait for the one and don't settle for less. What's the point in caving to desperation? I know your greatest fear is loneliness, and being alone will drown your world. You were never alone, and will never be. I am always with you. Always. And I love you."
Thank you Lord...
I was closing my eyes, and then I opened them again to look at the rainbow. Right in the middle of the rainbow was a huge white cloud. I stared at it. For one split second, the cloud was in the shape of a huge heart. The shape of love.
WOWW.....
I blinked and looked again. The shape changed.
Did I imagine it all?
