*Sidenote: I'll try to update this site more often but more often than not other things take precedent. Thanks for reading my thoughts. =)*
I watched the movie X-Men at Readings just now after ICF meeting. It was really a spontaneous choice. My original plan was to study after the meeting and skip supper.
That didn't work out very well. But it was worth it.
Most people would think that movies like that don't really have anything profound or important to the audience. Most people take X-Men as good entertainment with lots of hot, sexy babes and guys that are great as eye candies. But that's it.
However, the movie did potray one very important point about life: There are many instances and circumstances where you don't want to do something, but you don't have a choice. And even if you do have a choice, the choice that you don't want to make will be the lesser of two evils.
For example, I've been staying up late at night, dunking down cups and cups of coffee, just to finish my very last assignment for the semester. The assignment was designing website using basic HTML. The assignment itself was not rocket science, but it was extremely tedious and time consuming. Well, for me it might as well be rocket science because designing is totally out of my abilities. When it comes to art, on a scale of 1 to 10, my score would be a negative 1. I was procastinating on doing the assignment, but finally forced myself to do it when I heard that Pei has already completed it. Peer pressure is very, very real and very, very motivating. Furthermore, the assignment is worth 15% out of the total marks for the course. I had to do it. But I really didn't want to.
And it's the same when it comes to studying. Now that the final exam period is drawing near, everybody is switching to study mode. And for most of us, it is not because we want to study. I would rather go out for movies, hang out at cafes, eat, sleep, read a novel, walk down Oriental Parade, have a picnic by the beach, go shopping, or even work to earn some money etc. than studying. However, when exams are near, I don't really have much of a choice. Well, technically I do have a choice: to study or not to study, but I have a conscience that generates guilt on a constant and frequent basis. In addition, it's my responsibility. I have an obligation to study, and this obligation is not only to myself, but it extends to my family, my sponsor and to God.
And at times, in our relationships with other people, we also make tough choices that we don't want to. What do you do when you know that a good friend is going down the wrong track? Do you tell him/her the truth or do you want to maintain the friendship by going with the flow? What do you do when you want to be with people that you love, but you are not with them, not because you can't, but because you chose not to, and you know that deep within your heart, that is the right choice? When people close to your heart, like family members, close friends, etc., force you to do things or make choices that are totally against your principles and beliefs, what do you do?
Lynette from Desperate Housewives said it best: Life is full of obligations. People do things that they don't want to.
And yet I'm glad to know that I've been in countless situations where I do get to do the things that I want to do, and I'm happy about it. If life is all about doing the things that 'you have to do', having a conscious mind is just a pain in the neck.
And there are situations where you want to do something, but nobody will let you do it. Apparently, nobody really wants me as a waitress, although I'm quite keen to gain some experience in that field. However, God's plans always beat mine hands down. I've applied for a part-time reliever job. I'll be affiliated to Education Personnel, a teachers recruitment center, and they'll be the ones who will send me to childcare centers to work. The hours are flexible and I will rover from center to center. I went for the job briefing today. The office was all the way in Kilbernie. The experience of getting to the office itself was quite daunting. I've never been out of Wellington Central, other than Waikanae for ICF's drag netting, Palmerston North for Easter Camp, and Churton Park for girls' night at Jess's place. There I was, all alone, sitting in the bus, quiet like a mouse and yet being so freaked out about getting lost. But I saw quite a lot of cool places on my journey to Kilbernie. I passed by Massey University, the famous Pack n Save (now I know where to get cheap groceries), lots and lots of cafes and restaurants (yum~~), funky art stores etc. I prayed to God for journey mercy, and He heard my cry. I know that I really don't have anything to worry about, but I don't like going to unfamiliar territory on my own. I get paranoid. But I'm safe and sound. The job briefing was great. I still have to wait for the police check to get through, which will take about 3 weeks. Till then, I still cannot start work. But that works out just fine because exams will end in about 3 to 4 weeks time. God's timing is the best yet. Guess I still need to learn to trust Him more. =)
Tomorrow's going to be a long day. I need to go for small group meeting, watch Da Vinci Code, and then dinner with Ting Ting. There goes my whole Saturday. It's fun-filled, but I need to slot in some studying time to make my conscience shut up. I hate to miss hip-hop dance class, but it just had to be done. I don't want to, but I have to.
