Moral studies class was about marriage, divorce and remarriage.
Of happily ever afters.
Case 1 - Marriages are made in heaven, but worked out on earth.
My parents were married in '84. She was 25 and he was 30. If they dated, it wasn't for long, probably 4 to 5 months and then they tied the knot.
You know how steady dating couples fight?
My parents went through that phase of a relationship after they tied the knot.
You know how married couples fight?
I guess my parents got double doses of fighting during their marriage.
They faced problems. They fought. They quarreled. They say things they didn't mean. They do things they regret later.
But they worked it out. They compromised. It was hard. It was hell. It's nothing like those Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty endings. It was probably like Beauty and the Beast. They saw the worst in each other, and then the best, and then compromised, and then worked it out.
I remembered the fights. I remembered the tears. But I also remembered holding hands, long conversations, buying each other's favourite food, standing up for each other during hard times... all the small and big gestures of love.
My mother always say that her marriage was fated. It was made in heaven, but worked out on earth. Despite all the problems she faced, she realized that her problems are probably an ant bite compared to what others faced. My dad never cheated on her, he didn't gamble away the family savings, he loves his kids.... he tried his best to be a good father and a good husband. He ain't perfect, but he tried, and it's paying off.
Case 2 - of ending nightmares.
I went to countless sunday school classes when I was a kid. However, there was one I remember in particular.
That sunday school teacher was telling us of how she regretted marrying the man she married, because he wasn't a Christian. She warned us, in a very bitter tone, to never ever marry a non-Christian. *Blamed everything on the guy's religion*. She sounded frustrated, angry, sad and was ready to lash out every hurt and pain she felt to the world.
I was 9 that time. That ain't a nice experience for a kid. I probably didn't understand it, but I didn't like what she was telling me. I still remember her expression until today. I'm not sure whether she was divorced or not, but to tell a bunch of 9 year old kids how useless your husband is.. if that's not insanity I don't know what is...
Case 3 - second chances.
Mr. Warren in class asked us to compare a marriage with the normal boy-girl relationship that almost everyone in the class experienced. If your relationship ended, will you go for another one? Will you take another chance? Of course. Marriage, to some extent is that way, but one has to analyze carefully and seriously what was his/her contribution to the faillure of the previous marriage. Or else, the marriage will fail as well, and he/she will be stucked in the same cycle. Everything that happen later will be cyclical. History repeats itself.
I had a friend in high school whose mother is the 2nd wife of her father. Her father's first marriage failed.
She wasn't happy.
Her sister wasn't happy.
Her brother's phone conversations to his parents were mostly "f%&^ you."
The last I heard, her mother wanted to become a Buddhist nun.
~I know there are some poeple who are so much happier after being divorced, and I know there are numerous people out there finally finding happiness in 2nd chances. But I don't ever want to go through divorces and remarriages. Not ever. So I guess I better marry the right man who can stand me huh.~
