....
(It was gloomy, windy, and raining)
Him: Don't you think this weather suits the situation?
Me: (Pause) No, because I know after the rain there will be sun. After the rain there will be a rainbow. But for us, there will not be anymore sun.
....
....
Mom: I feel your pain. I can feel it right here in my heart. Be strong ok? Don't blame God, don't blame him, don't blame yourself. Don't be bitter. You need to believe that God is with you through good times and bad. There's a lesson here that you need to learn. You are too naive. You are so sincere in your love, but not everyone will respond that way.
Me: But I try to see the positive side of people.
Mom: But you need to see their weaknesses as well, or you will be hurt. You need to be shrewd. Don't worry. I will be praying for you. I know you have been through the worst. You are the strongest girl I have ever known. You can overcome this, and you'll be stronger, wiser, and more mature.
Me: I'm already far too mature for my age.
Mom: (laughs) Be strong ok? Mommy loves you. I told Papa what happened. He's not angry. He asked you not to worry.
Me: Okay...
....
Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
-Rose Walker-
I have been made to be more than a conqueror. I will cling to God, my rock and my salvation. He's my only hope. He won't fail me. I am strong enough for this, and I will overcome it. I will be okay. Always have been, always will be. Life has thrown enough shit my way. It's time for me to stand up.
It is in your darkest moments in life that you know who are the people that truly care for you. Thank you Fi and Emz for accomodating me. Thank you for not leaving me alone in my pit of sorrow. Thank you for pulling me up, backing me and standing beside me. Thank you Leesha. Thank you Karen. I don't really have much to say, but thank you. Mom, thank you, and I can't wait to be with you again.
It's like the song...
"I believe that I will see the love I give returned to me..."
