Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. ~Saint Augustine~
I wish that I can run into the future and have a glimpse of what will happen. Life would be easier that way, because everything will finally be concrete and not ambiguous. I won't be like a blind child searching her way through life with nothing but her sense, intuition and hope in a God that she's still learning to trust completely.
How many times have my heart been wrong? Although my intuition has saved me many times from making bad decisions, it has not always been right. I still make wrongful choices that I regret till this very day. However, because those choices are in the past now, I can see clearly the reason why it happenned, and how it has changed me. I'm a different person. I know that it'll be the same 10 years down the future. Now, I don't understand why these things have to happen but I do know that it is happening for a reason that I cannot yet comprehend. I just need to learn how to let go of the circumstances that I cannot control into the hands of the one who created me. I can pray, petition, ask and beg, but I know in the end it is never about me. It's about trusting Him to take care of me. It's always about Him. The confusion, heartache and tears will end when I see His plans unfolding. Confusion can fade away. Hearts can be mended. Tears will dry. I just need to take that little step of faith, and trust that all things happen for a greater good that I cannot yet see. Even though the steps may be small, like a little babe learning how to walk, it will do wonders to my soul. I can finally be free. Free from worries, from anxiety, from frustration and from confusion. If what I hope for is taken away from me, I know its because He has planned out something far better than I can ever imagine. To have faith is to be sure of what I hope for and to be certain of what I cannot see. Despite the logic of my head, I'm to just believe that everything will be all right in the end. It's hard, but it'll be good for a weary heart to let go of the cares of the world, and just focus on things that I can actually change.
In confused moments like these I'm thankful for the piano. I can just concentrate on playing out my emotions, turning feelings into harmony. Maybe that's why my improvisations are always so random. It's probably because I'm confused.
Easter is coming soon. The holidays start next week. Man, I can't WAIT to escape from uni...
