"I'm happy"
"He's happy"
"I can change"
"I can live with the sins of my past"
"I can live without him"
~Yes, the greatest lies are those that we whisper to ourselves every night before we sleep in desperate, desperate hope that when come morning, it will all be true.~
Life is but a play and everybody are actors. When we walk out that door in the morning, all of us are nicely dressed up, standing tall, smiling and confident. Even though our hearts are screaming in pain and our souls are howling in agony we put on a smile, never allowing people to catch us in our moments of weaknesses. Each of us to a certain degree acknowledge that the lives we are living are but for show. But there comes to a point when we try to convince ourselves that this is how it is and we are happy in living that lie.
Ever tried looking at the other side of the fence, thinking that the grass is greener? And you say to yourself: "Hey, why can't I be like that? Why do I have to go on living this mundane life and live a lie?"
Wake up call: The grass may look greener. Well, that's because there's a lot of shit there for fertilizer. *Sorry if it sounds crude*
Sometimes when we look at other people's lives and compare them to ours, we think that they have it all, and that we cannot compete. However, behind those masks that they show the world, who knows what problems they might be facing? Who knows the troubles that they are going through? Humans, by nature will never allow our failings show, so we tell people what we always tell them, what we have been taught to tell them: "I'm doing great!", even though we're not. Then suddenly, someone shot him/herself, then the questions start to rise like mushrooms after a spring shower. "Didn't he have it all?" "She has everything. Why end it?" "If I'm his position, I'll never become that stupid. I'll enjoy my life to the fullest!" And then the rumours start to spread like wildfire. "Oh, really?? I didn't know she was like that!" "Is it true? I didn't realize he was facing depression! He just live across the street. Why didn't he tell us?" "Oh my goodness.. his mother shot herself?" and the list goes on.
It is good to share our happy moments with others. Things will be much better, though, if people are willing to share sorrow as well.
Thus, we who are not prepared to show that we are human, and will continue to live our perfect lie, will continue to stuff all the worries, tears, and sorrows down out throats when we face the world. When we come back home from the stress and demands of work and school, when we finally return to our own private space after a hard day's lie, we shut the doors, we undress ourselves, we walk into the joined bathroom, we turn on the shower, and we cry, knowing that no one will ever know. Then we emerged from the bathroom, put on our pyjamas, blow dry our hair, spread out the blanket, climb on to bed, lie down, and tell ourselves: "hey, I'm happy.", when we're really not. But nobody knows because nobody wants to know.
Someone once told me of a girl named Alice who wished she was living a different life. Her father is only a plumber and had to work as a salesman part time in order to make ends meet. Her mother was a seamstress who takes up orders from rich and fancy ladies who will scream, shout and demanded refunds if the little nitty gritty details are not followed closely. She had a younger brother who is still young and always bugging her, as he tends to take her toys to play, and take her favourite story books and turning it into colouring experiments. Her older brother is a high school student and was working part time in the local diner. Being a poor teenager with shabby clothings and a torn school bag, he was the school's weirdo. Although he did excellent in school and is in the track team, he was the rich kids favourite punching bag.
Now, Alice was a beautiful girl. She is on the honours roll and a cheerleader in school. She hangs out with the 'cool' kids and thus get invited to parties, dances and dates with the rich hot kids in town. She dressed herself in MNGs and she loves the perfumes by Armani Exchange. She felt misplaced in her family. Many times she thought to herself: "I think I'm adopted. Why can't I be born in those rich kids families?"
She felt her problems caused by her family was overwhelming.
Then one night, while she lay sleeping, she met God in her dreams.
God asked her: "Alice, do you have any complains with the life that you're living?" And Alice, with absolute certainty that God is in the wrong, answered with full confidence: "Yes I have a few complains I like to make." Then, she told God what she felt. She wanted a better life, a more secured future and a higher income family.
God, playing with His beard, looked down at her and squinted his eyes and frowned, as though in deep thought. Then He looked up and smiled, and said:" I have an idea. Do you see the baggage that you're carrying?" Alice felt her back and felt the big, heavy bag that she's carrying. "Yeah." "Well, Alice, that's your burden. And from what you're telling me, you think that you're burden is too much for you to bear, right?" Alice, with her big sparking eyes looked at God and said: "Yeah!!" Then God showed her to a row of bags a few paces away. "Why don't you try one of these baggages. Maybe they are lighter for you. Pick one and see which one you like."
Alice examined each of the baggages and read the names imprinted on it. She stopped in front of what to her, was the smallest baggage. "Mrs Walderson. She's the rich lady who lives 3 blocks away. My mother sewed some of her coats. She's always stylish, what with her pearls and diamonds and all. And I heard that her husband is rich. Let me try this one." God just smiled and said: "Go ahead." Alice put it on and immediately sank to the floor. She can't even get up. "It is so heavy!! It's even heavier than mine! I thought she had less burdens..." God smiled even wider and said:" Why don't you take a look what's inside the bag?" Alice opened the bag and she was shocked.
Mrs Walderson has a rich husband, but he is sleeping with his secretary, and she is unable to do anything about it because without her husband, she will be penniless. She has been out of the workforce for years and do not have the experience to go back to work and support herself. Mrs Walderson has a son, Josh, who is in a rehab because he was smoking marijuana. Mrs Walderson's daughter, Joan, is 16 and pregnant. She eloped last Wednesday with a man twice her age, who was previously charged with statutory rape. Mrs Walderson went to the clinic last month for her blood test results. She is HIV positive. It seems that her husband has been visiting brothels on his business travels. No money in the world can ever reverse the damage that has been done. All she can do now is put on a smile and tell everyone what she has been telling everyone: "I'm doing great." That's why she's always smiling.
"I didn't know..." was all Alice can say.
She put down that baggage and continued searching for another one. She stopped when she saw the name of her friend, Martha. "Hey, Martha is really lucky you know. She has everything. Looks, brains, money.... I think I'll try this one." God smiled and said, "Go ahead." When Alice try on the baggage, she cried in pain because the baggage was digging into her shoulders. She put it down and opened it. She was shocked again.
Martha's parents were divorced and she is living with her mother and stepfather. Every weekend, when her mother was out working, her stepfather will come into her room, undress her and worked himself on her. Martha just stared up the ceiling of her room, which was decorated with clouds and birds, and kept quiet. When she felt pain, she just grip her sheets and grit her teeth. No tears came flowing down. She was already used to it. She didn't dare to talk to her mother because her stepfather threatened her: "One word from your bitchy little mouth and you and your mother will be killed." The reason Martha studies hard is because she knows only a scholarship to a university far, far away from her house is the only path to her freedom. Due to her fear for men, she swore that she will not allow any member of the opposite sex to touch her. She is a lesbian.
Alice could only shed tears for her friend and she said:" I didn't know. Everytime I ask her how is she, she will only reply, "I'm doing great.""
Don't we all answer the same thing...
God then said to her, "Why don't you try this one?" She put on the baggage and stood up. "Hey, this is so much better," Alice said, and she smiled. God answered, "Of course, this is your own baggage. You think you have problems? Look around you first..."
The next day when Alice saw Martha in school, she went up to her and asked her, "Hey, do you wanna hang out at my place later? We can.. you know.. do homework.. and maybe talk.. " Martha hugged her and said, " I loved to.."
When she saw Mrs Walderson coming into her house to collect her coat from her mother, Alice run up to her and say, "Mrs Walderson, I baked these cookies with my mother yesterday. I want you to have some." Mrs Walderson with tears in her eyes said, "Thank you child. I wished I had a daughter like you."
Alice then went up to her older brother's room and knocked on his room door. They chatted and laugh together for the next 2 hours. Later, before leaving his room, she told him, "I'm proud to have you as my brother." He smiled and kissed her on the cheeks.
Alice then brought her favourite toys and the story books she bought from the store and went into her younger brother's room. In less than half an hour the toys were destroyed and the books were filled with modern art. But she had the greatest time.
You think you have problems? Look around...
Call up someone that you feel are going through a rough time. Take them out for tea. Bring them to a movie. Take them for a quiet talk at the beach. Do it before it's too late.
