DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY

Friday, September 30, 2005

the killer

In Malaysia, we have a killer that is more cruel than AIDS, more merciless than heart attacks, and more ruthless than murderers.

The Killer: Speeding buses on the highway.

Since I started college, I've been traveling a lot on the highway because I go back home for the weekends. After all, it's only an hour drive and I attend the church here in my hometown. It wasn't an unusual sight, to see buses speeding on the highway even though it is a criminal offence and punishable by law. Although it wasn't unusual, it is still terrifying.

Behind every bus, there will be two stickers:

The first sticker shows the speed limit of buses. The normal speed limit used when driving through towns and cities is 80km/h. The speed limit on the highway is 90km/h. Most of the buses will go over 110km/h. And that is a sight to behold and fear. A sudden panic will strike me in the face, and I can't help but be anxious for my survival, because more often than not I'm behind the wheel, and my reaction in unexpected circumstances is a lil' slow. Still inexperienced I guess. If that bus loses control, and I'm there, I'll be flatter than a pancake in no time.

The other sticker shows the numbers to call if anybody unhappy about the bus driver's driving wishes to complain. However, Malaysians have a habit of 'closing one eye'. As long as we're not hurt, why bother? It is only when things get out of hand, and irreversible damages are incurred that the whole nation gets into an uproar. But then, such emotional outbursts never last for long. And soon enough, everybody moves on, but the problem still remains.

The journey from Damansara (where the college I'm attending is situated) to Seremban (home) is about 1 hour by car, assuming that the driver abides the law, and drives at 110km/h.

If one were to use public transports other than the bus, one will have to use the Light Railway Transit to KL Central, and then take the train to Seremban. It is a one-and-a-half hour journey.

These buses, which are suppose to be much slower than cars and trains, can cover the distance in 40 minutes.

My life is more precious than time.

I just finished pre-univeristy. I haven't even started university. I still need to graduate with a degree. I haven't experienced what a marriage is like. I don't have any kids. I'm saving my virginity for the man that I'll call 'my husband' and I haven't met him yet. (Maybe I already did but I don't know it. Not now, at least.) Heck, I don't even have a boyfriend now. I don't know the taste of bourbon and whiskey. I'm waiting for the chance to have my glass of Jack Daniels. I want another shot at pool. I still need to go snorkeling. I'm waiting for opportunities to go horseback riding, snowboarding, skiing, bungee jumping.... There are a million things I haven't tried, many more people I want to meet, and more dreams I still want to achieve. I don't want to lose my life in such a tragic and horrifying way, espcially when I'm at the prime of my youth, and just starting to live.

However, because of car accidents, whether involving buses or not, many have lost a young and promising life.

Please drive safely. If I'm the driver beside you, I'll be forever grateful.

D I V A at 7:17 PM
2 drop(s) of love

Thursday, September 29, 2005

pool for the first time

It was during a college trip to Lang Tengah Island. It was a first time for many things, like pool.

I'm hooked, too bad I didn't have any chance of playing after the trip. Nah... I was too lazy to go to the pool centers. Haha..

Everybody had to watch out when it was my turn. Due to my inexperience and unappropriate control of strength, the white ball will bounce and fly out of the table. That's how I always lose my turn.

Thanks Ki Zhi for the photo!!

D I V A at 7:26 PM
1 drop(s) of love

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

of happy ever afters, ending nightmares and second chances

Moral studies class was about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Of happily ever afters.

Case 1 - Marriages are made in heaven, but worked out on earth.

My parents were married in '84. She was 25 and he was 30. If they dated, it wasn't for long, probably 4 to 5 months and then they tied the knot.

You know how steady dating couples fight?

My parents went through that phase of a relationship after they tied the knot.

You know how married couples fight?

I guess my parents got double doses of fighting during their marriage.

They faced problems. They fought. They quarreled. They say things they didn't mean. They do things they regret later.

But they worked it out. They compromised. It was hard. It was hell. It's nothing like those Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty endings. It was probably like Beauty and the Beast. They saw the worst in each other, and then the best, and then compromised, and then worked it out.

I remembered the fights. I remembered the tears. But I also remembered holding hands, long conversations, buying each other's favourite food, standing up for each other during hard times... all the small and big gestures of love.

My mother always say that her marriage was fated. It was made in heaven, but worked out on earth. Despite all the problems she faced, she realized that her problems are probably an ant bite compared to what others faced. My dad never cheated on her, he didn't gamble away the family savings, he loves his kids.... he tried his best to be a good father and a good husband. He ain't perfect, but he tried, and it's paying off.

Case 2 - of ending nightmares.

I went to countless sunday school classes when I was a kid. However, there was one I remember in particular.

That sunday school teacher was telling us of how she regretted marrying the man she married, because he wasn't a Christian. She warned us, in a very bitter tone, to never ever marry a non-Christian. *Blamed everything on the guy's religion*. She sounded frustrated, angry, sad and was ready to lash out every hurt and pain she felt to the world.

I was 9 that time. That ain't a nice experience for a kid. I probably didn't understand it, but I didn't like what she was telling me. I still remember her expression until today. I'm not sure whether she was divorced or not, but to tell a bunch of 9 year old kids how useless your husband is.. if that's not insanity I don't know what is...

Case 3 - second chances.

Mr. Warren in class asked us to compare a marriage with the normal boy-girl relationship that almost everyone in the class experienced. If your relationship ended, will you go for another one? Will you take another chance? Of course. Marriage, to some extent is that way, but one has to analyze carefully and seriously what was his/her contribution to the faillure of the previous marriage. Or else, the marriage will fail as well, and he/she will be stucked in the same cycle. Everything that happen later will be cyclical. History repeats itself.

I had a friend in high school whose mother is the 2nd wife of her father. Her father's first marriage failed.

She wasn't happy.

Her sister wasn't happy.

Her brother's phone conversations to his parents were mostly "f%&^ you."

The last I heard, her mother wanted to become a Buddhist nun.

~I know there are some poeple who are so much happier after being divorced, and I know there are numerous people out there finally finding happiness in 2nd chances. But I don't ever want to go through divorces and remarriages. Not ever. So I guess I better marry the right man who can stand me huh.~

D I V A at 7:51 PM
1 drop(s) of love

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

dengue fever attack

For the past month, a worrisome number of students living in the hostel are down with dengue. A few were hospitalized. The most recent case was my fellow coursemate. I'm not sure about the seriousness of his case, but I don't think he's hospitalized... yet. Poor fella.

After the first case of dengue was reported (the poor guy was seriously ill because he didn't know it was dengue), the state government send people to spray the whole place. I guess the mosquitoes finally thought of a way to resist it. Maybe they've developed some sort of antibody for the poison that's suppose to kill them. Super mosquitoes.

I got bitten a couple of times yesterday when I went out for supper. I was out for 3 hours. The pesky bugs were feasting on my legs.

I'm worried now.

I'm afraid of doctors. I'm afraid of medicine. I'm afraid of the hospital.

If I can I'll move out now, for the moment at least. But I have no place to go.

Let's hope my friend Jin Shawn is right. He said my extreme abnormality will prevent me from getting dengue. Hey, I may not get dengue, but I may be sent to the nut house. How comforting.

D I V A at 6:40 PM
2 drop(s) of love

picking up people's hair

I know it is normal for women to shed a greater amount of hair compared to men. It's not unusual to see a few strand of hairs here and there when you step into a girls only apartment, or a woman's room.

But I can't stand it if hair, mixed with dead skin is all over the room. It's messy, it's horrible, it's downright disgusting. It's REVOLTING. *vomits*

I've been living with my roomate for more than a year now, and I don't think I can endure it anymore. I feel nauseous and absolutely sickened.

I came back to the hostel last night. It was 8.00pm. When I stepped into my room, the lights were off, the curtains were drawn, and there she was. Sleeping like a baby. I turned on the lights to unpack my stuff. ARGH!!! Hair near the closet. Hair near the chair. Hair stucked below the bedpost. Hair AND dead skin cells near her slippers. Dirty tissue papers near MY GUITAR! (not that I can play the guitar but it's precious to me. It's a musical instrument and music is my greatest joy.) ARGGHH!!!!!!

This happens every single week. (I go home for the weekends).

This week it was worse than usual. And I can dare say that this roomate of mine has never touched a broom in her 21 years of life. If it isn't so, why am I cleaning after her? Doesn't she feel any shame knowing that I'm sweeping and mopping up her hair, her dirt and her dead skin cells? The only thing she does is wait for me to get out of her way. ARGH! If I have the guts I will tell her off, or like Aik Win suggested, charge her 5 cents per hair. (This would be a great source of income, considering the amount of hair she is shedding.) Too bad, my gut level is way below zero.

It's a good thing that I have only another two months to go. Any longer than that I will need a barf bag everytime I'm in the hostel.

D I V A at 11:57 AM
0 drop(s) of love

Monday, September 26, 2005

greetings

Finally decided to use blogspot yet again. I don't know how many blogs I've set up and deleted so far. I've used blogspot, xanga, livejournal, friendster... and who knows what. Hope this one will stick around longer.

Welcome to DeLiCiOuS aMbIGuItY. I'm a college student from Malaysia who at the present moment is rotting and on the brink of extreme paranoia due to excessive boredom. Already completed foundation studies and now in the midst of wondering why am I learning history and moral all over again. As if 6 years of primary school and 5 years in high school have failed to mould me into a decent, high valued, patriotic citizen. Well, maybe it has failed. Nah.. but moral in college is interesting though, thanks to Mr. Warren. Check out his blog here. Undergraduate studies will be done in New Zealand next year in Victoria University of Wellington. Accountancy. I still don't know why I chose that career. Online personality tests indicated that I should either be a musician, a lawyer or a preacher.

Well I guess I can't complain much, comparing my life with other college students. My friends in A-levels are busting their heads, trying to cram everything in the world of science. I always feel uncomfortable when they're studying biology. Gosh, it's like they're speaking french. Compare doing 2 compulsory subjects which 99.99% of the students passed with doing chemistry, physics, maths, biology and thinking skills all at the same time. It's like comparing one particle of dust against Mount Everest.

It is now 9.49pm. The night is still far too young but that's enough for intro I guess. Hope to make some online friends by blogging. It's kinda stupid if you're the only one reading your own thoughts. Toodles~~

D I V A at 9:29 PM
3 drop(s) of love